Salem's Lots

In the immortal words of Hank Snow...I'm Movin' On - Pressing over to Wordpress

2007-01-20T22:57:00.000-06:00

It's been a fun run with the blogger folks, but I've pretty much had all I can take here, so I'm moving the show to Wordpress:

The new addy: Http://salemslots.wordpress.com

My new feed is : Http://salemslots.wordpress.com/feed/

I'd appreciate it muchly if you'd change your linkage.
Thanks. So long blogger, and thanks for all the fish.

I should add here that the move wouldn't have gone as well, smoothly and as quickly without my Memphis buddy, Lynnster. She is a Wordpress pro, and did a lot of the work for me, and did very well considering I was on the phone a lot of the time cursing when I couldn't get anything I was doing to work. Lynn's patience endured and I think we made it. You're getting stars in that crown for this one, along with the Mothership's finest.

Vanderbilt 72, No. 25 Kentucky 67

2007-01-20T16:41:00.000-06:00

Just wanted to make sure nobody, expecially Blue-Mist types, missed THAT score. WhoooooWeeeee.

That would make FOUR ranked teams the 'Dores have beaten this year.

Will you take this woman to be your wife for the next 2 minutes and 12 seconds, or, Now I understand what we are fighting for...

2007-01-20T10:53:00.000-06:00

Temporary marriages are BACK in Iraq. What's the Arabic word for 'ho?

Shocking, simply shocking.....what?...there's gambling in Casablanca?

2007-01-20T09:41:00.000-06:00

Hillary's in the running, as if anyone thought otherwise. Ladies and Gentlemen, be prepared to see pretzeling the likes never seen before. If you don't know me, or my blog, I'm a Democrat, and I generally support Democratic candidates, but not this one. It's my firm belief that Hillary would give a lap dance to Monica Lewinsky or the corpse of Strom Thurmond if she thought it would help her win. Sorry fellow liberals, I just don't trust her.

A fast food tale in which the narrator SHOULD have called corporate, or, everyone knows it's wendys...

2007-01-20T09:02:00.000-06:00

It was lunchtime about three years ago in the greater Green Hills area. In fact it was about eight stomach growls past the time to eat, and for some reason I had a hankering (el anhelar if you are reading this in Peru) for a Wendys Spicy Chicken sandwich. Usually when a fast food chain advertises spicy, the resulting sandwich wouldn't make a baby blanch, but in this case, the Wendy's folks come though. It doesn't hold a candle-watt to Prince's chicken, but then again, on that day I didn't want the coating on my tongue to peel and my intestines to gavotte their own version of the Seven Veils hoping that my head would come off.

So, I head to Wendy's for my overdue lunch. I stand in line patiently...well, patiently for me. I didn't say what I wanted to say to the 4 folks in front of me who apparently were recent recipients of the type of lobotomy that disables the portion of the brain that makes decisions. I could wait. The spicy chicken was ahead.

Finally, I make it to the counter. I place my order in a semi-weak voice to reinforce the impression that I had not eaten in three days and couldn't wait one minute longer for my succor in the form of a spicy chicken sandwich. Naturally, the counterworker told me to move over into the holding area because 'the cook is just about ready to cook some chicken'. I sidled obediently into the waiting pen along with three other people who ordered some type of chicken sandwich.

About five minutes later, the counterperson waved over my three companions who had wuss-ily ordered the non-spicy version of the sandwich which was beginning to take on the proportions of Orwell's Rosebud.

I waited about a minute longer, and when I could wait NO MO, I sauntered to the counter and saucily asked..'hey, how about my sandwich'? The counterperson went back to talk to the cook and came back smiling. 'She said that she didn't feel like cooking a spicy chicken'. I was sure she was having me on, pissing up my leg as they say in bloody England. I asked again..'now really, when is my sandwich going to be ready?' 'SHE DIDN'T COOK YOUR SANDWICH!'.

HUH..WTF!!??? When I got over being stunned and realized that the Candid Camera folks weren't there and understood she was serious, I asked for my money back. It became quickly clear that she had no idea how to refund money that had already entered their computer with the order wending its winding way to Wendy worldwide headquarters.

I asked to speak to the manager. The manager apparently was sick that day and his second-in-command was taking money to the bank. I waited 15 minutes until the number 2 guy returned. He was able to successfully negotiate the transaction and returned my money. I told him about the pathetic service expecting a coupon for free sandwiches or at least an apology. The true meaning of apathy was defined anew for me that day.

I drove off, uttering curses for which my mother would still attempt to ground me, vowing never to return to the Green Hills Wendy's. I haven't..but I've been to the Metrocenter Wendys since then, because, I still love me some Wendy's Spicy Chicken.

I did write an email, but never heard back from anyone. It almost made me want to take up smoking, but that's another story for another day.

Harlan Kentucky

2007-01-19T07:08:00.000-06:00

Re my previous post, I have been in Harlan. There is no place on earth like Harlan Kentucky. I haven't been everyplace on earth, but I would bet my original mono copies of 'Out of Our Heads' and '12 x 5' that nothing approaches Harlan.

My college girlfriend was from Harlan. After two months of exclusive and intensive dating (we actually dated back in the 70s..you know that car thing where the guy -usually the guy- picks the girl up at her house or dorm), it became clear that we were fairly serious and that it was time for the big invite to meet the parents. Considering that parents of everyone I had dated to that time either lived in Nashville or Dickson, my lack of preparation for seeing Harlan was roughly akin to a new speechwriter hearing his/her first speech mangled by the President. Outwardly benumbed, inwardly nuc-u-lur.

The first time I met 'her' parents, I contracted aphasia. Sadly, the disease endured the weekend. The impression left by that first visit was incredulity, piteous, and I'm sure frustration, followed by the belief that their daughter had the makings of a social worker, showing the world to a long-time denizen of the short bus.

Our relationship was lucky to have survived the weekend. Fortunately, future visits were enhanced by actual complete sentences, inchoate political opinions, and in some cases, conversation. I was given what would be the first of many Harlan and coal-mine area tours.

Over the years we hiked the mountains many times. I saw for the first time houses, actually shanties, built on a path but with no road in sight. I saw many kids who could have been up in that tree with a banjo....you really had to stare to see the eyebrows. I saw kids with what looked like scurvy and I saw coal mine owner's houses that were hillside palaces.

I saw the vestiges of our version of the caste system. I saw the results of the union wars. I saw a hospital that wouldn't treat a coal miner until the 1970s. Coal miners were often paid in script that could only be redeemed at the 'company store'. These truths were more than just another verse of a popular folk song.

I also saw many mountains that seemed pristine at first glance, but that truthfully had been irreperably scarred by slash of the strip mine. I saw mountains that had been 'topped'. I saw beauty and poverty that I really didn't believe existed in the 20th century United States.

I became close dear friends with my girlfriend's parents. In fact, when I was later unceremoniously dumped, part of my anguish was the thought that this meant I also broke up with her family. I soon realized that true friendship and love can endure anything, and I continued to visit Harlan, Kentucky during my one year in Knoxville (aborted law career that is best left to describe in another really boring post).

I will say I was depressed, adrift and prone to long bouts of self-pity during my year in Knoxville. I had lost my girlfriend and I HATED law school. I retreated to Harlan many weekends (and a few entire weeks later in the year). I learned to love the alien world that seemed to be contain many shades of gray and world-class weariness. Coal mining can wear a person out in ways most of us can't imagine.

The Harlan parents became 'in loco parentis' during a long sad year. I was prepared to head to graduate school when a friend called and encouraged me to go to New York and help save the world. We moved to Brooklyn, and I soon met a wonderfully incredibly shy woman who later become the woman with whom I have spent nearly 30 years. Meeting her made me realize that my college girlfriend had been wise about parting ways. I also met a man who later became one of my best friends.

Many years later, that man, one of the best friends I've ever had, managed to hook up with my college girlfriend. They married a few years ago. I was able to catch up with my Harlan 'parents', and learn that bad health had overtaken these wonderful vivacious people.

My recent trip to Harlan was to pay tribute to my 'other' mother, a woman who accepted me despite a horrible first impression, a woman who defined the word 'welcome' for me and who continued to be a loving part of my life even after her daughter had moved on. She probably knew that we 'weren't to be', but after a point it didn't matter.

The pathology of a small coal mining town in eastern Kentucky is far different than a town called Liberty in Texas. The Texans were in Liberty because they felt free and thankful to have escaped from the crowds and coal-smoked eastern states. Many of the people were in Harlan because they had to be, or because their wagons couldn't make it through the Cumberland Gap to the beauty of east Tennessee and beyond.

The worst aspects of religion and religious types always prey on the poor, continuing to afflict the afflict rather than the converse. God and Jesus are thrown at you like stones in this part of the world. God is harsh and etched in stone and may be forgiving, but only if you earned it.

I've seen funerals in two small towns that couldn't be more disparate. Sadly, funerals are what brings a lot of us together. We travel from afar and share stories, tears, and grace. We lose our friends, and sometimes our way. Harlan has been a wonderful and odd part of my life. I was thankful that a certain family was there at a time when I seemed to lose my way and a whole lot more.

I'm also grateful to my wife who understood that I needed to leave in the middle of the night and drive back to that world. I should also mention that a certain night-owl in Memphis gave me great help in staying awake late at night and despite my boring and somewhat morose nature that night, stayed with me for quite a few miles.

Where I'm going tonight...

2007-01-17T18:30:00.000-06:00

Another funeral...sigh. Give me strength.

Why do you hate America, why do you support cut and run, don't you support the troops...Oh WAIT A MINUTE..

2007-01-17T06:08:00.000-06:00

You ARE a troop

What's wrong with the [Iraq] war?

It's a war we never should have launched in the first place. It's been incompetently executed and it's brought no benefit to anyone involved, including the American people and the Iraqis. It's just people dying for no benefit.

That quote ain't from Cindy Sheehan...follow the link to ferret out the Bush-hater (hint, he's one of a few, he's proud, he's been chosen, and he's not flying solo)...

Simon says shut up, or, America idles for a Lynching

2007-01-16T21:29:00.000-06:00

Ok..I watched the last twenty minutes or so of American Idol auditions tonight. I've thought about this for a while and I'm now totally convinced that not only is Simon most of the contestants true friend, I'm wishing I had a life-Simon to be honest with me when I've said and done some of the most absolute dumb-ass things imaginable.

I wouldn't have sat next to Lisa Ball on the bus ride home from church camp oblivious to the fact that she would prefer sitting next to a syphilitic dwarf with bad intent. I wouldn't have come up with THIS sparkling conversational jewel while double dating with my best friend - 'hey, look, there's a green mailbox!' I actually said that after a 15 minute uncomfortable silence on the way to our first (and last date). Not surprisingly, the silence picked right back up after my Noel Coward moment.

I wouldn't have eaten that bleu cheese burger in Cincinnati after the first bite screamed 'BAD CHEESE'. I wouldn't have picked the one gas station in Ohio without a ventilated bathroom to curl up and die in after eating the bad cheeseburger. I wouldn't have told the menstruation joke when someone's mom visited our communal meal up in Brooklyn....there's a lot more, but I can beat myself up so much. Where's my life coach, my Simon to tell me..get off the stage...SHUT THE *)*) UP!

Secondly, if you watched the previews for the auditions next week in the Seattle episode you may have noticed that apparently every extra from Twin Peaks is re-emerging to make their mark on American and the Idol world. Maybe they should have just stopped with the Maker's Mark and skipped the audition.

Who in God's name is telling all these people they can sing? Is 3 minutes of public humiliation really worth it just to get on, Gasp..TeeVee?

.....And a hocky team broke out, or, a few observations about hockey crowds

2007-01-16T07:26:00.000-06:00

Folks, I don't care if you don't know icing in hockey from that sugary goop on top of a cake, we have an incredible hockey team in our town. If there WAS a good hockey poet (or even a poet who occasionally dabbled in puck-ery), they would be composing lines re the line of Kariya, Legwand and Erat. I have no doubt about THAT (Legwand and Kariya are more of a rhyming challenge). These guys rival Tinkers to Evers to Chance teammate connective-wise.

If you haven't been to see the Preds, a few words of advice...

If you plan to bring kids, explain the words 'suck*' and its plural before the game. Spin the word anyway you wish, but after the game be prepared to hear the sing-song chant 'MOM YOU SUCK, DAD YOU SUCK', if you deign to chastize them in a manner not parallel with their particular line of thinking.

If you kept a 'suck' click count during the game, I'm pretty sure that the triple figure would be reached somewhere in the second period. I've said it before, I'm sick of the word. I'm not offended other than being disappointed in the mass of people who can't come up with a better insult.

The announcement of each opposing player's name is met with 'SUCKS'. When a goal is scored on the opponent, a barrage of once-clever suck chants ring the arena. What was somewhat funny and artful back in 1999 and 2000 have become lamer than parents trying to remain relevant with their kids by using hip-hop terms of the late 90s.

Pretty much every sneer-cheer is peppered with 'sucks' except the still-funny-to-me jibe at the opposing goalie after the Predators score - 'It's ALL your FAULT, it's ALL your FAULT'.

I've written about the 'suckage' factor more than once. I probably might as well protest the tide system in the ocean or decry the vapid brain-patterns of prime-time programmers. Is it all our fault for continuing to buy tickets and watch TV?

On another note, for the love of the great Gretzky:

Dear Predators management: LOSE THE FANG FINGERS bit when an opponent is penalized and has to sit out for a few minutes. This was a cutesy-wootsy element back in the pre-historic pred promo days when most of us didn't understand things like 'clearing the puck', or as mentioned above, that'icing' is more than just a cake adornment. It's NOT cute anymore. It's annoying, embarrassing and lends credence to fans from other towns thinking that we are newbie nimrods in search of a clue.

Finally, to the woman in line with us at the coffee kiosk with the Trinity Broadcasting hair..wow. It really looks strange to see that hair with a Preds sweater instead of purple garb, standing in line rather than poised to strike for dollars while reposed amidst the gilded roccoco. Maybe it's just me...

Meanwhile, I'll be thinking of new words or phrases to be exclaimed sing-songedly after each opponent's name is announced...hmmm,
Shanahan - YOU'RE CRAPULOUS
Avery - BITES FERRETS
Pronger - Iced over with ENN-U-I
Toskala - At Best, med-i-oc-re, med-i-oc-re
Crosby - Stills and Nash are better off without YOU

Are you hearing me Section 303...are you listening Leipold?

*I realize this may be ironic considering my true blog motto is: attempting (and often failing) not to suck for over 1 solid year

That line from the Martin Luther King speech

2007-01-15T09:17:00.000-06:00

I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character.

That line has been misused more than most famous quotes in American history. I would say more, but it's been said much better and more clearly by Mark aka Gandalf Mantooth over at his way-cool blog - Dork Nation.

However, a lot of people forget the speech was more than the one sentence when quoting MLK. He called the “new militancy” “marvelous.” He said “America has given the Negro people a bad check, a check that has come back marked “insufficient funds.”

The speech has a context, and some people would seem to want to wrest the speech from its context by using that one sentence as a rhetorical tool. Most people who use it are aware of the reverence paid King by many here. The man has a President’s holiday for f***’s sake. You may well have the same heartfelt attachment to the quote and it’s perceived everyman/woman sentiment. You may have the best of intentions. However, when some right winger like George Will or Limbaugh is tut-tutting people of color about Affirmative Action or something and drags out The Quote, it smacks of smarmy condensension. It says “See, your greatest leader agrees with me, so there! Nyaa, nyaa, game over.”

My favorite Martin Luther King quote I dedicate to my late friend Nick. He lived this one every day.

The good neighbor looks beyond the external accidents and discerns those inner qualities that make all men human and, therefore, brothers.

Martin Luther King Jr., 'Strength to Love,' 1963

I'm not an egotist, but memememe, or, finish this sentence..

2007-01-15T08:23:00.000-06:00

Once again, I wasn't fast enough to get away. My blog-friend Sara Sue tagged me to finish the following sentences...(i thought you LIKED me Sara!)

01. I’ve come to realize that my ex----exists only in the realm of girlfriend and we're really good friends.
02. I am listening to---rain falling in Salemtown, birds singing and some high-pitched whining tool being used on a construction site down the street..guys, IT'S RAINING!
03. I talk---with a nasal-ly voice that makes me want to pull out my hair when I hear it on a recording.
04. I love---my wife, my kids, Vanderbilt basketball, the Rolling Stones, and the New York Yankees (did I get the order right, dear?)
05. My best friends---live too far away (same as S.Sue).
07. I lost---a really good friend and incredible person to a damn brain tumor.
08. I hate it when people---don't seem to give a shit that anyone else in the universe exists but them.
09. Love is---often never having to say much else but, I'm sorry
10. Marriage is---certainly not boring!
11. Somewhere, someone is thinking---if this bonehead tags me on this meme, I'm going to shred his pointed rather oversized head (oh, S. Sue..this doesn't apply to you, much).
12. I’ll always be---almost there, but not quite.
13. I have a crush on---Rachel McAdams and several bloggers whom I will NOT embarrass!
14. The last time I cried was because---my friend died.
15. My cell phone---has the staying power of a 80 year old man after drinking three glasses of water.
16. When I wake up in the morning---see number 15.
17. Before I go to sleep at night---I spend a good bit of time trying to fall asleep and trying to remember not to drink three glasses of water.
18. Right now I am thinking about---that REALLY annoying whining tool being used down the street which now has a slightly HIGHER pitched mate, a sound I didn't think was machine-ly possible and one I'm surprised my that can be heard by any member of a species more highly evolved than dogs.
19. Babies are---a wonderful thing for me to be nostalgic about, but things I changed my share of back in the 80s.
20. I get on MySpace---when hell freezes over, when Something About Jim becomes as soul-satisfying as 'The Wire', when an REO Speedwagon CD is in my house more than 15 seconds before it is hurled in the general direction of that damn damn whiny machine down the street in hopes that it will be destroyed by said machine.
21. Today I---slept late because of the holiday.
22. Tonight I will---watch episodes 3 and 4 of '24' to see how Jack Bauer does it AGAIN AND AGAIN.
23. Tomorrow I will---trudge slowly down the street to work wishing I had just one more day off.
24. I really want---an Official Red Ryder Carbine-Action Two-Hundred-Shot Range Model Air Rifle, but I'm pretty damn sure I'd shoot my eye out...

Tagging: Kristin and Lisa...they're far enough away not to come down and hit me for this!

Ordinary Heroes in your town - Actors Bridge* rises up!

2007-01-14T09:49:00.000-06:00

This will not be the last time I plug this upcoming play/event (if you click on the link you can actually READ the cool poster). I've seen an early 'read-through' version of this play and cannot wait until the main event. If you are long-time or native Nashvillian, you may know a lot about the civil rights movement here in our town, or you may be surprised at how much you don't know, but the stories in this play will make you cry, think, be angry, and inspire you.

From the Actors Bridge website:

This world-premiere theatrical work is based on Nashville’s pivotal role in our nation’s fight for civil rights in the 1950’s and 1960’s. Through drama, music, spoken word and multi-media, the play explores the stories of the lesser known contributors in the struggle that was born in Nashville – the individual foot soldiers who made up the masses that followed storied leaders, Martin Luther King, Jr., Kelly Miller Smith, C.T. Vivian, Diane Nash, James Lawson, Bernard Lafayette and others. Based on interviews with living people who participated in the movement...

I was a young boy growing up in the lily-white Green Hills area when the lunch-counter sit-ins occurred. At first it all scared me, but I knew somehow that the God I was raised with didn't really think that much of apartheid, even though that same God was used to justify separation of the races and a slooooooooooow path to racial justice by many.

Another aspect of this play that thrills me is that my alma mater, Lipscomb University, is a partial backer of this play. Their name is up their on the poster. As much as I've wanted to charge them for the counseling bills I've paid for over the years, I've gotta give them some solid props for working with Fisk on this venture.

Please go see this play!

*My friend Vali Forrister (aka The Playwright to some) is a major force behind this play (co-writer and instigator). She worked with Aunt B, among others to create 'Faith/Doubt' last year.

Death in a small town

2007-01-14T08:25:00.000-06:00

I'm not really a small town kind of person. I'm not claiming that Nashville is anywhere near Chicago, NY or Atlanta status, but it does have multiple incredibly good diverse dining options, movie theaters that show non-blockbuster films, places to drink coffee and professional sports. Small towns may have a few good restaurants, but coffee usually is only available at the corner diner, and it may or may not be fit to propel diesel engines.

Small towns, at least in the movies, and in my mind, don't know what to do with the out-liers, the artist who dreams beyond Thomas Kinkade, the goth-kid, the outwardly gay and the people who scream that it's time for a change. A lot of this is based on books written by people who fled small towns, or movies made by the small-town expatriate. Some of these thoughts are based on experiences of people I know....

But there's also another side: The unity, the support, the friendliness, the village of parental watching out for each other, and the sense that everyone here matters. I got to see the good side this past week in a little town called Liberty, Texas. Oddly, there are at least eight towns in Texas named Liberty. Only one of them is actually IN Liberty County, the county I was visiting.

My friend Nick, described somewhat in the previous post, was a principal, a coach, a teacher, a friend, a husband and a dad. All those words are mere outlines to the man. He was a gentle giant, a listener, a great singer, a lover of history and a person who knew how to make you feel comfortable.

Liberty, Texas celebrated their son last week in a way I'll never forget. Schools closed early..athletic events were cancelled. The line at the funeral home for visitation stretched through the funeral home, out the door and down the block and continued to build for hours. Signs in tribute plastered the city. Mountains of food were supplemented by more mountains. The art of the deviled egg has been perfected in Liberty.

More importanly, in those days, there weren't white folks, black folks, hispanic folks, gay folks, straight folks, Catholics, Baptists or C. of Christers. There were people unified in their love for Nick whose generosity amazed those of us who came from far away. They took us into their homes, fed us (way too well!), gave us beds to sleep in and ferried us to where we needed to go. In those homes, I got to hear a lot about Liberty and why a guy who tasted the Big Apple and other 'big places' wanted to go back to Liberty.

I still am not a small-town kind of person, but I understand a lot more, now that I've viewed Liberty though the prism of my late friend Nick, and a village of people who know more about community than I've ever known...I suspect they understand a little more about the world and acceptance than I've been lead to believe, as well.

love and death..

2007-01-09T18:02:00.000-06:00

I always hate it when some horrible or sad happens to an athlete or an entertainer and they say.."I guess this puts everything in perspective now", like somehow we forgot that people continue to die or get sick or have accidents because we have FOOTBALL or LOST on TV or Rocky IVX - Fighting for his LIFE!.

Most of us are aware that this is perspective to be had on a daily basis. Shit happens. We have financial problems because of unexpected damn car repairs. Our washing machine breaks. Our body breaks and the hospital bills mount up.

Even if we know all this, it always hurts when a friend who is too young to die, dies. When a tumor that sneaks into his brain like a dream and grows and grows until, surprise, lights out. No perspective I have can understand why that happens. Yeah, I know the words, and i understand that disease is part of an imperfect world, but perspective, hell no. Not supposed to happen.

I'm driving to Texas tonight with some friends to attend my friend Nick's funeral. Nick was 51 when he died yesterday leaving behind an 11 year old son and a wonderful wife. Nick fought this damn tumor and kept alive by sheer willpower for months after it would have felled most people.

Nick was part of my life when we were saving the world in New York back in the 70s. We didn't save the world, Brooklyn, or 531 Dumont where we lived. But we did make some of the best friends a person could ever have (including my wife)...it's the kind of thing that happens when you are social workers hellbent on doing something good...it always surprises you when a different good happens.

Nick had a great life. People from all over the United States are on their way to say farewell. I'm just lucky to have known him, and that's my real perspective here.

See you at the end of the week.

As a Vanderbilt fan, I'd like to point out the following score..

2007-01-09T07:02:00.000-06:00

Florida 25 - Vanderbilt 19. I'm thinking 'we' did a little better than THE Ohio State University did last night..(o;

Let's play the match game, or, what do these two stories have in common?

2007-01-09T06:19:00.000-06:00

Reverent Al wants to run for President and P. Hilton wants to be a serious actor.

One of my New Year's half-baked resolutions was to continue NOT to care what P. Hilton does or says...I really don't care about her latest nocturnal admission but it seem to go so well with the Reverend's aspiration.

Fiesta Tortilla Doritos Tostido halftime bowl question...

2007-01-08T21:48:00.000-06:00

The announcers in tonight's BCS Championship (Go SEC! - i normally hate Florida, but i love this score..) mentioned that the blimp flying overhead was provided by somebody or other, and that it was giving us all 'aerial coverage of the game'...

How can anything give aerial coverage of the game when the stadium below is DOMED????

Body parts, or, what's the skinny here

2007-01-08T07:18:00.000-06:00

Unless someone stumbles into Salemtown still reeling from the effects of a trip to BizarroWorld, nobody is going to mistake me for Adonis. I was blessed with pipe-stem legs and arms. I could have done something about adding some tone to the stems, but apparently it hasn't been important enough to me to implement corrective action.

From the time I was a junior in high school until I was 38 years old I weighed nearly the exact same weight. I could wear the same pants, the same belt, the same shirts, if they had endured all those years. When I was a kid, my head grew to adult size, which coupled with my stick-figure body, led to an Ichabod Crane look that I learned to live with,despite the mostly friendly taunts from friends, and the concerned looks of the church women who were certain I could be 'cured' by a steady dose of casserole and their own special dessert squares.

Generally speaking, and there is an obvious recent exception, most people don't insult large/overweight people to their face or in a way the insult can be easily heard (or seen). It, for good reason, is considered rude and untoward. For some reason, telling someone he 'looks thin/skinny/unhealthy/sticklike' has always been considered ok. The adult version, in fact, of the childish taunt is the pseudo-concerned face when expressing, 'have you been ill'? This query, when asked by a close friend means one thing, but when posed by semi-strangers, is nothing more than a thinly disguised: I look ok, you don't.

After age 38, my metabolism changed. The mountains of food that had heretofore been filling my empty stempipe leg or otherwise metabolised, suddenly begin loitering around my mid-section. For a few years, basic non-strenuous exercise could keep the pooch from pooching. Sadly, the war of the middle became a battle of non-attrition in my mid 40s, and the pooch pooched outward. An operation two years ago that basically opened me up from chest to pelvis didn't completely heal, resulting in a hernia-like condition where muscle protudes slightly between the not-quite-closed curtain of my torso. If you look closely (and I'm not suggesting this!), you can see a weird shelf-like protrusion if I stand a certain way in a slouch. Obviously, I attempt NOT to stand that way and slouch.

Back in the day, back in gym class when I would see all these better-developed guys (don't snicker....), I would be envious. I imagined a world where I would be judged by my form and outline, and worried that my prospects for acclaim, love and marriage would be as thin as my upper arms.

Gladly, at least for men, our form and build is not normally conflated with our worth, our personality and our ability to be a whole person. The fact that women don't get this same break is fairly obvious in the world of entertainment and sadly, evidenced quite clearly in the recent blogger-dustup.

I'm not here to begin to say that people making fun of my bodysize or my skinny arms and concave chest were near the equivalent of what women go through when we 'appraise' their form. I can tell you it used to bother me a lot when I was younger, and that gives me at least a hint, a clue into the world of bodytype=inherent worth.

There is an old adage that supposedly helps a person get up in front of a room full of people when they are scared to speak in front of a crowd - 'imagine everyone in the room is naked/wearing only their underwear'. Yeah, I guess this does rob the audience of some of their dignity, but I'd prefer a room full of people who understand that mental, physical and spiritual health have little to do with the way I, or they, look.

I'm off to Bizarro world..........

Pic above is from HERE.

God moves in mysterious ways, or, no more rain, the fire next time

2007-01-07T19:43:00.000-06:00

If this had happened once or twice (a little more thoroughly) when I was going to church as a kid, any whiff of agnosticism I might have had would have been dispelled.

Stolen* completely from Thomas, at Ihajj.

*Sorry about that 8th commandment, Thomas.

Clean, uncluttered and ready for anything.

2007-01-07T15:55:00.000-06:00

I rather tripped across this English blog - Yet Another Blooming Blog - that shouldn't be missed. The author also reviews books of the ~~'soft porn'~~ romantic variety.

This one post, entitled 'Whoopee: How Not to Write About Sex #2', written back in August just kills me.

I rifle through some pages. Pages which have actually made me want to wash my hands, because the story has a horribly cathartic tone of personal experience to it, and the hands that have grasped the tumescent veiny stumps of boring old men have also touched the paper I am reading.

Not only is there a great band name in that last sentence, but I'm thinking I would trade all my posts of the past year, if I could write one sentence that good/well/smart..

A wonderful example of purplish prose she cites:

"The woman was amazing. She was like a fresh new day. Clean, uncluttered and ready for anything."

I'm off to search for 'How Not to Write About Sex, #1'...

SnowwwZILLA!

2007-01-07T14:22:00.000-06:00

Maybe you've already seen this 15 foot snow-monster, but I was thinking that even though I'm really not a big 'winter' fan, I sure wish we'd get at least one REALLY good snow. These 60 degree January days are just weird.

More songs about buildings and coffee houses, or, take me to the river (ashland city style)

2007-01-07T09:25:00.000-06:00

I write frequently about coffee. I, along with most other Salemtown/G'town type are hoping for a local independent coffee house here in the neighborhood. Our hopes were raised briefly by a sign in a building under construction on lower 5th (across from G'town Cafe) that promised: Coffee House Pending (which replaced the even more promising sign: Coffee House Coming). Sadly, all signs and bets are off. The window now is void of sign and promise.

We do have the Starbucks up between us and MetroCenter, and yes, I've been there more than once. Bob and Patty know me by name and know my drink...

But , today, I am talking about coffee in Ashland City, the TBG Coffeehouse, to be exact. Lynn and I gamboled up to A. City last night (see previous post for details) and landed at the TBG joint (i think the TBG stands for Truth, Beauty and Goodness) to hear some Slarti music.

TBG is the anti-Starbucks. It's not real organized. It has concrete floors and sofas you could sink into for miles and tables and booths haphazardly placed throughout the place. There are random knick-knacks on the walls and nothing you could call 'designed'. We loved it. Most importantly, the coffee was more than excellent.

But, I do have a question, and this might be for Brittney, who I believe hails from A. City...do the folks of A. City REALLY NEED a 10-freakin' shot espresso drink (i think it's called Moses)? Holy Moses, if I had drunk one of those, I'd be typing with my teeth while tap dancing to little green men playing bagpipes and kazoos. I mean, A. City has a new 'Wal-Marts' and a lot of good catfish and even more importantly, Strattons. Does it still need THAT MUCH waking up?

For what it's worth...the sound, for a largish coffee house was pretty good and well-mixed. I'm going back, but I'll probably continue to avoid the 'Moses'. I swear that drink would part your own personal sea...

One more about other bloggers, or, maybe the Scene had a point...

2007-01-07T08:24:00.000-06:00

I've been enjoying meeting and hanging out (and listening to) other bloggers so much that I want to write about it, but after a point it reminds me of that Lewis Carroll story where everyone in a small town made a living by doing each other's laundry...

Anway...two items and then I'm shutting up (about other bloggers for a while).

1. Slartibartfast is a rocker. It's a Christian band, yeah, and if you can't handle Christian lyrics at all, it might not be for you, but I'm telling you, if you avoid Slarti's band for that reason, you will be missing something.

Slarti is one of the keyboard guys and once the music starts, the quiet, shy-ish Slarti we met at the blogger meat-up turns into (1960's reference, watch out!), Paul Revere (not the horsey silversmith guy but the one who lead the 'Raiders), which is to say a geeky dancing, mugging for the audience who is having so much fun it really doesn't matter that the geek meter is moving to the red zone. And, I'm using 'geek' in a very loving manner, btw.

Slarti's band (X-Alt) is quite an ensemble...they got the Memphis-style horns that punctuate the bar, rather than roll all over it, they got not one, not two, but three women who can sing the lights out, and they got another keyboardist who can sing some serious tenor. The Memphis Stax soul oozes through their music even though they appear to be all of the 'blue-eyed' soul variety.

My one complaint: Slarti' only gets one solo. He's got a great rocker voice, and his song just SWINGS. Besides his song, he re-arranged the old Sam and Dave song called 'Soothe Me' to handle some really top-notch harmony and lyrics that weave the band's philosophy into the groove. Slarti NEEDS MORE SOLO.

My one question: They close the first set with 'Put a little love in your heart' and they attribute the song to Aretha. Actually, their arrangement is pretty much a pepped up version of the original by Jackie DeShannon, but hey..it was good.

All in all, it was more than worth the trip to Ashland City. Plus we got to hang with Ms. Slarti and two Slarti-kids. Good family times...

2. With an intro...I don't date women other than my wife. I have plenty of female friends (believe me if you work with the state health department and you don't like female friends you are going to be more peerless than a hermit crab). I actually eat lunch nearly every working day with a woman who is one of the best friends I've ever had...

Back to the point: Staying married, or staying in a monogamous relationship pretty much rules out the dating scene (other than with your wonderful 'other'). Now to the part where this gets to blogging:

I'm a 54 year old male. Even if I was dating, it would be unlikely that I would call up women under 30 (or 40) and ask them out. For me, it would be typically age-inappropriate (not a moral thing..just a personal choice). On the other hand, in the recent weeks, I have met up with a mid-twenties woman in Memphis, a slightly older than that woman in Memphis, two women in Jackson and most recently an under-30 woman in Nashville and I've had at least one meal with all of them. (I've also eaten with other males, but that is not my point here...). I'm hardly a 'lunchtime lothario'.

When meeting other bloggers who have never met you f-t-f before who happen to be women who only know you via a blog, it is probably smart to bring other people along the first time you meet. When I first had lunch with Ivy, she brought her brother for protection, lol. She soon discovered that I was not an axe-wielding pervert and we became good friends.

Yesterday, I 'hooked up' (in a social way, puhleeze) with Emily (Malia's much younger sister) at the Mothership. I had been badgering her to post more on her blog and developed one of the blog-big-brother things and I really wanted to meet her..somewhat because I am rather fond of her much older sister.

Anyway, Emily did the smart thing. She brought to the table: Malia, Malia's husband, Malia's two kids, and I'm pretty sure she paid the bald guy who was pretending not to eavesdrop at the next table to watch out for her. And, I'm thinking I saw the Berry Hill gendarmes pass the establishment more than the usual.

Once again, after she discovered I was not an axe-wielding pervert, I believe all went well. It was a fun lunch. Emily is a little quieter than her sister, and I enjoyed the convo all around. Enjoyed it so much in fact that the restraining order (hey, only 200 feet) really didn't bother me so much.

All of this is to say: Blogging breaks down barriers. People that I would never have met or become friends with for any other reason are now an important part of my life. Some of them, gasp, are not of my political persuasion!. I got to hang with a MUCH younger Theo/Geo'er in Memphis and it was cool. I had fun. Lynnster and I hung in the zone...good times as well. Anytime with Newscoma and the Rodent Queen is bonus time for me...and now I've met Emily, heard Slarti's band and those are good things.

Now WHERE did Lynn put my axe?????

Legacy

2007-01-06T23:46:00.000-06:00

Cartoon by Schorr.

Fist tap: Phil Arnold

Mothership down, Mothership bound, lunch with my new year's resolution AND a possible Moose sighting...

2007-01-06T11:06:00.000-06:00

I'm wishing that everyone in blogging distance who has hunger in their life for some most excellent barbecue would hie yourselves down to the Mothership around noon so that you can share my delight at meeting Emily (one of my resolutions) who happens to be the sister of pinko Malia. Actually, I think that Malia is busing in a gaggle of Cardins...I'm going to be way outnumbered! Come on down...

And tonight, we're actually thinking seriously about taking a trip to Ashland City to hear THIS GUY. I'm going to try and take the 'moses challenge' and i'm looking to cadge that free drink from Slartibartfast (whose name is not ringing so much round the cerebellum now that's it's been replaced by the theme song from Underdog i heard on a Scrubs re-run...damn that quartet!).

Anybody else heading up to the big A. City tonight?

What's this world coming to when a man can't have a 100 frozen cats and 39 live ones and not be bothered, or, Will a hair-dryer work???

2007-01-06T10:32:00.000-06:00

According to THIS story in youR Tennessean, where every focus group matters, this guy was rousted for keeping over 100 dead cats in his freezer and owning 39 mangy cats mostly in bad health and probably trying to avoid the freezer area.

I normally eschew (achoo) cat stories, but this one caught my eye. I thought it was only crazy old ladies that did stuff like this. When did the creepy kitty syndrome bound into the 'Y' chromosome territory?

And, to top it all off, he's suing the authori-ties who consfiscated the kitti-sicles, the live cats and, oh yeah, the five snakes, and the one, poor, confused German Shepherd. Being around all that much pus..er, cat-astrophe is too much for the simple canine.

In his lawsuit, filed last week, Davis, 74, says he suffered "emotional pain and suffering" because of the confiscation and eventual destruction of the frozen bodies, which he said he was planning to bury in a pet cemetery he was preparing on his farm, as well as the loss of his living pets.

The suit says that one of the kittens in the freezer was "so large at birth that (Davis) intended to submit it to the Guinness Book of Records."

I'm thinking he might want to switch to ice sculpture as a hobby...

37 reasons to read 'The Stupid Things I Witness'

2007-01-06T08:18:00.000-06:00

Anne's blog is a must read for me (and should be for YOU).

Anne..this one's for you...

Old ~~man~~ WOMAN look at my life,
I'm a lot like you were.
Old ~~man~~ WOMAN look at my life,
I'm a lot like you were.

Old WOman look at my YOUR life,
~~Twenty four~~ THIRTY-SEVEN
and there's so much more
Live alone in a ~~paradise~~ Heaven
That makes me think of two.

Love lost, such a cost,
~~Give me~~ STUPID things
that don't get lost.
Like a coin that won't get tossed
Rolling home to you.

Old WOman take a look at my life
I'm a lot like you
I need someone to ~~love me~~ show me stupid stuff
the whole day through
Ah, one look in my eyes
and you can tell that's true.

Lullabies, look in your eyes,
~~Run around~~ try to park in the same old town.
to damn hard ~~Doesn't mean that much~~ to me
and apparently ~~To mean that much to~~ for you.

I've been first and last
Look at how the time goes past.
~~But I'm all alone at last~~ reading your blog is a blast.
Rolling home stupid, so true.

Old WOman take a look at my life
I'm a lot like you
I need someone to ~~love~~ show me stupid
the whole day through
Ah, one look in my eyes
and you can tell that's true.

Old Woman look at my life,
I'm a lot stupider than ~~like~~ you were.....

Happy 37th, Anne.

Update: I just realized the birthday was YESTERDAY..apparently my stupid brain was far away. Anyway...continue the celebration, Anne. You deserve it.

and, uh, deep apologies to Neil. You're the MAN (and in fact, may NOW be the old man in the song, go figure...)

noooooooooooooooo, or, No.51 is in my heart

2007-01-06T08:00:00.000-06:00

Say it ain't so, Yankees...

Proof that higher intelligence does, indeed, exist

2007-01-05T22:49:00.000-06:00

One of my favorite bloggers, Lindsey of Theo/Geo, has a regular 'bitchlist' of items on the sidebar of her blog. It's probably good therapy, and pretty much every item I've seen on her list deserves its infamy.

I don't know what the opposite of a 'bitchlist' really is, without going into the gooey syrupy kitty-cat stuff, but if I had such a list, this is what would be floating to the top:

If you ever wanted to know what sublime would taste like...Altoid's Dark Chocolate Dipped Mints.

Gimme a ticket for an aeroplane, ain't got time for a fast train, lonely days are gone, I would be goin' home, but the President opened my letter

2007-01-05T16:54:00.000-06:00

Does it bother anyone outside the ACLU that the President gets to decide what part of a law he doesn't like when he is signing the bill into law? It's called a 'signing statement' and our so-called conservative President has issued more signing statements than ALL the previous presidents combined.

It's kind of a 'I'll respect you in the morning' with a finger crossed behind the back. Ooooookay, this law is now law because I just signed it but if I don't feel like it I'm really not going to pay any attention to what I just signed. Doesn't this bother true conservatives? Isn't this an imbalance of power?

The latest case is the law that states (quite sensibly) that if the postal services believes a letter contains a bomb, they don't have to call and ask for permission to 'open/defuse' the letter. Also the law allows the postal service to open a letter without an address so that the post office can attempt to ascertain where the letter is supposed to be sent.

NOTHING in the bill allows a first class letter to be opened (with the above exceptions) without a warrant. The President signed the bill, but he left a door open as wide as the security at our port system.

He claims that in 'exigent circumstances' that the government gets to by-pass the law. The signing statement gives a couple of examples of what exigent circumstances are, but doesn't delineate or in any way limit the definition of 'exigent'.

If the President thinks this is a necessary component of an anti-terrorism package, then he should have his party propose a bill that spells out what the government is allowed to do with first-class mail. Otherwise, the bill he signed is the bill he should live with.

I thought conservatives wanted to LIMIT the power of the government? Maybe I just don't understand the rules of bizarro world.

Meanwhile, stay the hell out of my mail!

A wrinkle in my time, or, book it, kiddo

2007-01-05T07:18:00.000-06:00

We were visiting good friends in Montgomery over New Year's weekend when I popped one of my favorite questions to the 18 year old daughter of the family: What was the most influential book you read or had read to you as a child (child defined here as someone 12 or under)?

The young woman's father and I went to school together many years ago and he knew without asking the answer to the question if it was posed to me. He would have given the exact same answer, and I daresay that the entire 3rd and 5th grade classes of David Lipscomb in the mid-1960s would all give THE EXACT same answer.

We had the same teacher in 3rd and 5th grade. Both years she read us many books, but repeated only one because she knew that she had hit the mother lode with: 'A Wrinkle in Time', by Madeline L'Engle.

The book stands on its own as a ripping good yarn, but it also wormed inside our head the question of what evil really is (as opposed to that church of Christ list of things that we weren't supposed to be doing or even thinking). The book introduced time travel wrapped in the wonderful word 'tesseract'.

You can read this book on many levels which is one reason the book is so good. First of all, the story works (at least for young adults). The story of separation from a parent is a story that any kid understands. The power of totalitarianism transcends the big word that we didn't understand in the 3rd grade. More importantly, the power of love and self-will were explosive concepts normally wrapped in bromides and hoary hand-me-down proverbs garbed in sunday school swaddling.

If you have kids or feel like indulging the kid in yourself, read this book to your kids (or to yourself!) . I'm halfway convinced that the publication of 'Wrinkle' in the mid-60s paved the way for Star Trek and it's progeny. More importantly, at least for me, I used the principles of the book to overcome ticklishness.

That's the answer to my question. I'd love to hear yours.

Some pretty half-baked but mostly sincere resolutions for 2007

2007-01-04T17:52:00.000-06:00

I quit making hard-to-keep resolutions many years ago because after a certain amount of time on this mortal coil, there are certain things that just aren't going to happen (getting up early and doing anything more athletic than opening the newspaper and making coffee). In the interest of reality and in full cognizance of my 54 years on this planet AND being alert to the fact that I"ve had stomach/ulcer issues, I am going to kinda try to:

listen to the doctor(s) and drink a higher ratio of decaf to caffeinated (blecch)

actually use my bicycle for something more than a fixture to hold non-bicycle-related things

switch from this stupid blogger to Wordpress (if they continue to have a 'free' version)

NOT switch to Blogger 'Beta' unless they pull Blogger 'alpha' from my 'qwerty' gnarled fingers

meet Emily (Malia's sister)

purchase a Predator's clothing item that will not be obsolete if a trade is made

walk the dogs regularly (I've been on the road a lot lately and gotten out of the normal patterns)

Quit reading blogs/articles/magazines that tell me that liberals/progressives/black people/white people/conservatives are all 'anything' or all believe 'one thing' because if i continue reading my doctor who told me to avoid stress will get on my back

Continue to explore who my 'neighbor' really is, and treat them the way I would want to be treated

Continue to not care what Britney*/Paris/TomKat/Rosie/Donald/Nicole say or do

Try not to commit blogorrhea

Go back to Memphis and have dinner with Lynnster and listen to her talk about music instead of me blathering on as if I had just been given the power of speech after an absence of two years

Meet a blogger east of Nashville

Try and notch down my irascible meter

Attend a Grascals concert

Let people know when they've done something that is wonderful/generous/graceful even if I'm not involved or the recepient

Observe the difference between 'your' and you're'. Just because the Tennessean doesn't get it, doesn't mean that I can screw this up.

Continue to read conservative blogs/journals that challenge me instead of belittling my 'kind'

Try to think of a trip to the 8th Avenue Kroger as an episode of Seinfeld, one in which I'm lucky enough to have a role

More brunches with my friends (love that Alleycats..)

Work to make our neighborhood association (Salemtown Neighbors) more inclusive of ALL of Salemtown

Visit the Frist more often

Tell my family what they mean to me, not just assume they know

Forgiveness, forgiveness.

Walk on every greenway in Nashville at least once (my favorite is the Richland Creek segment)

Meet bloggers whenever I have the opportunity.

Grace.

Continue to explore the Story.

*This is Britney Spears I don't care for or about. I care very much about Brittney Gilbert who is much responsible for the blogging community here in Nashville.

3,000 is more than just a number

2007-01-04T14:20:00.000-06:00

Back when the American death toll in Iraq was about to reach 2,000, there were some folks who seemed almost happy that we were about to reach a milestone because it would bring more publicity to the fact that this war was not a just war, and not a war we should have fought. I felt then and I feel now that using the number 2,000 for anti-war purposes was not much higher in the moral rankings than actually perpetuating this war. These are PEOPLE who are dying. These are our brothers and sisters and uncles and cousins and nephews and nieces who are dying, and who are being maimed.

I am in the camp that believes that this was an ill-conceived and wrong-headed war, and yes I know that Saddam was evil and in fact, good damn riddance, but this war has not given any central government control of the violence and has in fact led to a protracted splintered weak Iraq.

We've now reached 3,000 deaths and I'm glad to say that this milestone has not been so trivialized and symbolized. We continue to lose too many people to this ill-begotten war. The American people spoke clearly in the recent election about this war.

The President can surge and ebb and flow all he wants to, but the fact that these are not just numbers we are losing. America wants this war to end, but somehow I feel that the election was our big-ditch effort in our end-the-war campaign. 3,000 is a lot more than a number, but it should be a reminder that this war is not yet over.

Our representatives may need to be reminded and nearly deafened by what we said in that election.

Heh, heh...

2007-01-01T18:06:00.000-06:00

Bush Urges Iraqis To Pass Amendment Banning Gay Marriage

BAGHDAD—In a private meeting with Mohammed Bahr al-Ulloum, President Bush urged the Iraqi Governing Council president to amend the recently ratified Iraqi constitution to protect the sanctity of heterosexual marriage.

Your Tennessean - tripping into Blog-land

2007-01-01T17:46:00.000-06:00

One of my favorite columnists for the Tennessean (actually my FAVORITE columnist) is Gail Kerr. She gets to write about whatever she wants to write about (for the most part) and she knows Nashville inside out. She grew up in Donelson, so she avoids the west Nashville myopia that afflicts so many Nashville writers.

I knew Gail briefly back in the 80s when she was working the local political beat. She has a great sense of humor and was one of the main reasons that the Elliston Place Goldrush was a true rush after work.

All of this is to say, I was pleased when I saw that Gail was going to start blogging for the Tennessean. So far I've been underwhelmed by the Tennessean's blogging. It's underpublicized and it feels like they are blogging because some focus group told them that blogging was the future but didn't bother to tell them how exactly to pull off the future.

Anyway, I follow the link to Gail's blog and was enjoying reading about her dog, when the damn page kept 'pushing' me to another Tennessean page which was not only NOT the page I wanted to be reading, but was symbolically TOTALLY BLANK.

'MY' Tennessean still is about a mile and 1/2 behind the curve. Gail, I'd love to read your blog, if the stupid website lets me!

Hey, does this guy have a blog?

2007-01-01T17:11:00.000-06:00

Wall Street Journal editor pours a little Rago on the blog pasta bowl.

I always enjoy criticism so much when the writer doesn't bother to give ONE FREAKIN' example to back up his argument. Stop the presses..lotsa bad blogs out there...go FIGURE!

Stolen nearly totally from Chez Bez.

I've been most everywhere man, except any foreign countries other than Canada or Mexico

2007-01-01T08:56:00.000-06:00

Thanks to Chez Bez via Lynnster...

create your own personalized map of the USA

I seem to be avoiding some of the 'cold' ones. I resolve someday to 'GET' those other states!

Happy 2007!, or, I'm sleeping in, can somebody else clean up this mess?

2007-01-01T08:16:00.000-06:00

Two unrelated football notes..

2006-12-30T16:24:00.000-06:00

I would put these on the Staggering Prophets, but they've switched to Blogger 'Beta' and I refuse to follow suit.

1) Coach Jeff Fisher should be the NFL coach of the year. Show me any other coach that has done what he has with similar talent including a lot of young players (and of course the ever-dynamic YOUNG player). I don't think it's even close this year.

2) I'm heading to Alabama for the New Years with some long-time friends. While I'm down there I'm thinking about suggesting that the 'Tide' hire Rex L. Camino to fill their way-too-long head coaching vacancy. His creativity, slyness and humor would go a long way in the washing-themselves-of-the-Shula-full-boring-routine-offense. Also, for line coach I'm suggesting Glen Dean. You don't need the zany folks to keep the line in check. Dean would be a solid steady choice.

Let's go Titans, and Happy NEW YEAR!

Festivus for the rest of us, or, my name may be Earl...

2006-12-30T15:49:00.000-06:00

Ok, this is a purgitive hoping to release the bad mojo I seem to have accumulated. This second stupid winter cold (sorry, Sarcastro) is bringing me down, so I will not be able to perform the traditional feats of strength. That leaves us with the airing of the grievances:

1) damn cars. You finish paying for them, and guess what. They *)*^^ die on you.
2) Damn car payments for the 'new' car you had to buy because (see item 1)
3) Damn my Gateway work computer. I've griped about this before, but I remain underwhelmed
4) screw the people that stole our wind chimes. They were folk art from Mentone. They weren't worth much but I loved those stupid chimes.
5) I'm no longer upset about the fact that my doctor almost killed me during a routine biopsy (i've written too much about this before), but I do get disturbed when I see the bills
6) I'm an idiot for not backing up the files on Item #3 above because the crack Help Desk squad had to re-image my stupid computer and manage to 'lose' about 30 key folders and all of my AS/400 macros (don't ask)
7) For all the people who don't understand what YIELD means when they see that sign on the southern Metrocenter off-ramp, I'm running out of patience. You'll some day get your ass yielded right back to ya
8) For all the people who don't know how to count or don't care to count at the 15 items or less line at my neighborhood Kroger, I hope you need something fast from the DMV.

That's enough...i feel better now. Happy New Years to each and every one of you (except for a few of the folks involved in items 1-8 above).

Life as high school - freaks, geeks, and Friday Night Lights

2006-12-29T06:51:00.000-06:00

If adult life is REALLY a replay of high school, this guy would not be the least bit happy. Even though there are some high-school-like-moments in every day adult life, I'd like to think we have progressed somewhat.

One of my honest-to-God theories of TV script writing and creation is that really good writers are still trying to figure out high school and/or they were the geeks or outliers who never were accepted in the upper clique/caste system.

In fact, I think some of the greatest TV shows in my lifetime ARE shows based on high school, many of which totally jumped the shark when the kids went to college.

Witness: Freaks and Geeks - an INCREDIBLE show which practically proves my TV theory all by itself, In fact it was so damn good, that it, like Arrested Development, drew few viewers, proving that the great American public (unlike readers of this and other fine blogs) is somewhat moronic.

My current frame of reference is 'Friday Night Lights'. I hadn't paid much attention to this show until the other night when NBC ran a 'FNL' marathon. Holy acne-cream, that show is GOOD. The writers clearly understand high school boys: somewhat neanderthal wanna-be hunters and collector warriors who respond chiefly to two primal forces: sex and meat. The dialogue is pitch-perfect and the writers don't skimp on the female high-school world either.

Other Hall of Fame High School Shows: Happy Days, Beverly Hills 90210, Buffy, Dawson's Creek, DeGrassi Junior High (ok, i'm stretching the years a bit) and Veronica Mars. So far, Veronica Mars hasn't been destroyed by her collegiate days, but I do think the show is a little weaker.

I don't think the TV writing world can even grasp college...I mean, how many GOOD college shows have there been? Does Felicity even count?

Elementary, my dear Bush, and Nixon, and Ford

2006-12-29T06:08:00.000-06:00

I came across this insightful comment while reading Wonkette.

Ever notice that when Bush does one of his "condolence" speeches, he always looks and sounds like he's giving a fourth grade book report?

"Gerald Ford was a decent man. He was president in 1974. He lived for 93 years. He had a dog once. His friends called him Jerry. He had children, at least one of which was a daughter."

The comment is from the fertile mind of The Trucker Pundit.

Actually, Ford was a decent and good man. He also gave a great assist to the Democrats (and the campaign of Jimmy Carter) when he pardoned Nixon. He did sponsor one really goofy thing though...During his term, inflation was raging, thanks in no little part to the man he pardoned. Nixon rather hubristically decided that wage and price controls would be his administration's counterbalance to inflation. Even for a liberal-type such as me, that WAS a goofy idea.

So, Ford, usually not being nearly as dumb as you'd think from the SNL skits, eschewed the Wage and Price controls for a 'bully pulpit' campaign called 'Whip Inflation Now'. They whipped out thousands upon thousands of buttons for citizens to wear, bearing the 'WIN' slogan. Sadly, at least for Republican-types, this may have also contributed to the rise of Jimmy Carter.

Gateway to hell....

2006-12-28T15:58:00.000-06:00

Into my christmas-ey spirit there is now an intruder,
my hatred and loathing for my Gateway computer,
oh how badly I long for an artful fisk,
aimed at the corrupted FAT and the ailing hard disk.

Damn you and your cow-hided advertising ploy,
your clunker-de-clankers have stolen my joy.

But of these problems, there will be no rid,
as long as the state says, merry christmas, LOW BID.

Two chairs, or, a different take on that old John Waite song...

2006-12-28T13:58:00.000-06:00

On my wife's side of the family there are 9 'kids' including our three. Every even number year we trundle out to Kansas (this year we flew*) to be with the 'Ownby' side. We play board games, we go to movies, we watch football and mostly tell stories (many of which I can repeat verbatim despite the fact I wasn't a known quantity at the time the stories took place and didn't even know anyone named Ownby).

This year there were two empty seats. My nephew is in the Army and is about to be deployed to Iraq and was unable to make it to Kansas for Christmas. I have had lots of family in the military. I am firmly against the war in Iraq. I firmly support our troops. Anyone who says otherwise about me can kiss my asterisk, firmly and completely.

The other empty seat was my daughter's. She is in Peru (sorry to be repetitive, but this is kind of an emotional thing for me) and enjoyed Christmas in the Peruvian manner (this involves eating a great deal of food, drinking a great deal of the local 'shine', and attending mass, hopefully in some coherent fashion).

When we said the grace for the big Christmas meal, my brother-in-law mentioned the two who weren't there for Christmas. After the prayer, the father of the Iraqi-bound nephew, and the father of the young woman in Peru went off in two separate directions (away from the food). We both returned with rather reddish eyes.

You don't have to be as old as me to appreciate the joys, the anguish, the warmth and the grace of family. You don't have to have kids to enjoy the season. But, you really do have to have an empty seat to understand this deal. Many people outside of my family had empty seats this Christmas. I pray that in two years when we return to Kansas that those seats will be filled and that the empty condition for many others is temporary, as well.

*I am not scared of flying. I hate the hassle. I hate the idiots that used footware and thought about using liquids as incendiary devices. I hate feeling guilty for no reason when I go through the security lines. I hate that friends and family can no longer be at the gate to greet you eagerly. I hate the damn narrow seats and the lack of legroom for those of us who fly 'cattle'. I hate the prices of the concessions once you've passed through the security. Flying used to be something I really looked forward to, because I am not a frequent flyer. In my mind, flying is hardly worth it unless you are traveling many many many miles. I'm shutting up now, but I'm still bitter.

Peep THIS!

2006-12-26T08:52:00.000-06:00

I made it to 25 Peeps. I probably won't last long considering that I'm missing two key assets....

Take a look - and you better move fast!

25peeps.com

My picture is courtesy of Wonderdawg and his thumb!

Update: Thursday, December 28th..I'm about to be un-peeeeped! It was fun while it lasted!

Update: Friday, the 29th (AM): Reprieve from the governor, I'm off the chopping block for now. Well, actually the governor probably has better things to do like picking a new commissioner for my department, but thanks to someone(s) out there, I'm alive...despite some obvious shortcomings in comparison to those around me.

Update: Friday, the 29th (PM): Lunchtime check...I'm peeped no longer. It was a good four day run. Neither ripped nor breasted, I did my best.

Merry Christmas from Wichita...

2006-12-25T11:09:00.000-06:00

That tall white edifice is a grain silo, and I'm NOT kidding.

Christmas is actually great out here, but I'm missing my daughter like crazy.* Merry Christmas and/or Happy Holiday to each and every one.

*the daughter is in Peru serving in the Peace Corps

Take me to the bridge, Maceo..

2006-12-25T10:53:00.000-06:00

If you've never listened to James Brown - Live at the Apollo, please find a copy and pay heed. Never anything like it before or after. Pretty much every rapper/hip-hop artist stole something from that album/CD.

Hope you're feeling good wherever you are now, JB.

Thanks, and Rest in Peace.

What's flatter than flat, or, it's the reverse Wizard of Oz Christmas trip

2006-12-23T06:51:00.000-06:00

Dorothy (and many other sensible people) dreamed of LEAVING Kansas. Just to be contrarians, we're heading Kansas-ward. I'm always glad when we get to Wichita (our Christmas destination), but if you've ever seen Wichita, you'll know the irony of Shawn Colvin's wonderful song: Wichita Skyline. A skyline, Wichita has NOT. I think there's a pretty tall grain silo close to downtown, but this ain't no cosmo(politan) and it certainly ain't no party in the big scheme of cities. However my wife has a great family that somewhat counterbalances the wonder that is Wichita.

A big deficit of going to Wichita is actually getting there. See below for a slight hint what the terrain is like.

Merry Christmas to one and all, G.O.P.er or Democrat, progressive or ~~regressive~~ conservative, Bredesen-Christmas-card-is-no-big-deal or ~~mountain-out-of-a-molehill-types~~ folks that didn't care much for the card, vegans and six-meat-buffeters, and to anyone who has ever been nice enough, confused enough, lost enough or weird enough to read this blog. Thank you all.

I wouldn't be Sean John, I'd be doggone, or, what's next Diddy, kitty?

2006-12-22T17:05:00.000-06:00

Whoops..looks like Diddy's Sean John's clothing line has more bark than faux bite. Coats advertised as 'faux fur' actually were made with fur of the doggy (not the Snoop kind).

I guess it's kinda like taking songs from Sting and Led Zeppelin and putting a little rap over em' and calling them originals. Looks like Diddy's line may be going to the fashion pound. I'm afraid that Macys is gonna hold Diddy down.

Tower-ing bankruptcy inferno, or, We still have Grimeys!

2006-12-22T15:52:00.000-06:00

In the early 1980s when Cats/Turtles was the only semi-cool record in town and Nashville was yearning for Hard Rock/Tower/major league status, the news that Tower was searching for a location in Nashville was happy-making news. I actually knew the person who was the 'location scout' and she told me that the old Graces Plaza on West End was probably going to be the place.

I visited often, even when I had no money to spend, just to listen to what was playing over the store's speakers and to gaze at titles the likes of which I had never seen..there were rows and rows and rows and rows of CDs. There was a closed-in room JUST for classical music and a pretty damn good folkie section in the front.

Yeah, the clerks were hipper than you and you and you and me, and their tattooed-tude wore thin, and the disdainful looks I received for having the nerve NOT to know what obscure oddity was playing over the speakers were not soon forgotten. But, I forgave them, because they HAD the entire Sam Cooke catalogue, and they had all this great African music I had heard about...

But, the overpricing, the downloading of America, the Wal-Mart effect, Best Buy along with the IPOD pretty much doomed the Tower. They gave us an imprimatur of hipness, but we caught up pretty quickly.

It's gone now*..I did take advantage of the deep-gash discounts found in the final days, but I really don't miss the place much.

We have a better CD/record store anyway. The music is just as hip, but the clerks shed their 'tude at the door. If Grimeys doesn't have it, they are happy to order it for you. I love the location, the selection and 'the help'. Sometimes, smaller is just better.

*oddly, the Tower website doesn't mention the passing of the store.

Our governor's a card, and 'surging' in Iraq...

2006-12-22T11:35:00.000-06:00

To the 43 people who are upset about 'the' card and the 167 people who still equate the debacle in Iraq with the real war on terrorism, I don't understand you, but I wish you the merriest of Christmases and the happiest of holidays.

Here is kind of an explanation...Wishing peace on people all over the world (even those who don't look like us) is pretty much a Christian thing. I'm not sure I want the earth, but the peacemakers apparently get a pretty large inheritance.

Many of us who have always thought the war in Iraq was a horrid mistake are not against all wars. We are just against STUPID wars. We want the Taliban cleansed from Afghanistan. We want pressure put on those mid-eastern countries that hold telethons to raise money for the families of suicide bombers and who stone little girls when they dare leave their school without the proper clothing. We believe that the terrorists in Darfur and the Sudan need to be defeated. Bush can surge all he wishes in Iraq, but it's not working and most of us know it. We are not against the war because we hate Bush. We're against this war because it was the wrong war and too many people are dying so that Iraq can disintegrate into a thousand pieces.

I don't understand you, but I'm supposed to, and I guess that's what Christmas is really all about.

Why would you trust your kids with this man?

2006-12-22T03:12:00.000-06:00

Apparently this kid didn't have to wait until Christmas dinner to get the Christmas goose. Sister is apparently reeling from the after-effects of the goose.

This is a bank Santa. I'm guessing that Santa is going to be 'asking' for a 'loan' as soon as he ditches the kids.

Santa's ~~got a~~ in a brand new bag....

Thanks to this Chicago Tribune special feature:

To the kids who fabricate the Scene's Fabricator

2006-12-21T17:03:00.000-06:00

BITE ME. We had fun. Damn shame that Nemesis Boy has outed ~~himself~~ herself and didn't appear, or else we could have once again been exposed as solipsistic witless dupes...oh, wait a minute....we didn't name Nemesis Boy as the blogger of the year...

Seeing the forest...or, Ok, even though I like to schedule my own thankful days, I'll do the thankful Thursday thing...

2006-12-21T11:43:00.000-06:00

I've written a lot lately about the many wonderful people I've met (especially in my West Tennessee Blogger Tour disguised somewhat as a work trip*). I've been really lucky to get to know (and I'm not going to attempt to list them all) folks like Kerry and CLC and Sista and so many more. Without blogging, and without Brittney and her wondrous work, it wouldn't have happened.

But, I want to devote this post to the person to whom I am most grateful. She's not a blogger. She's met a few and knows that they aren't crazed ax-murderer types (at least not the ax part). She tolerates my blogging and blog-reading most of the time (i get a LITTLE obsessive reading your blogs). She has put up with my idiosyncratic behavior, and irascibility much longer than my parents did. She's a person of abundant energy and talent (witness the painting on top of this post). She's a talented cook and a great date. I'm not going to go all 'B-Dub' on ya and describe the outcome of some of those dates, but I can tell you we have three children and none of them were conceived immaculately.

I told Lynnster sometime during my western swing that I've already received my gifts for this year - getting to know so many of YOU. I'm being soppy I know, but the greatest gift of them all is my wife. I think she is beautiful and I know than she is more patient than Job could even dream.

Sadly, neither one of us married an organized person, but we did manage to organize our thoughts well enough to marry the right person (well, I did at least..)

So, thanks to Lynn for the last 29 and 1/2 years.....

Hope I die before I grow up, or, tell me about the tacky sweaters George, tell me...

2006-12-21T06:38:00.000-06:00

My usual up-to-date radar on what is trendy was jarred when I read MY Tennessean and discovered the smart set were scouring Goodwill and their weird aunt's closets and chiffarobes for ugly, tasteless, LOUD, sweaters to wear for their trendy outings to trendy clubs. Actually, I now realize that if I read MY Tennessean to find out what is cool, I've already pretty much lost the war.

Anyway, besides some possible questionable activity spurred by trying to purchase sweaters from homeless people, I wanted to point out a rather odd quote from one of the women interviewed by MY Tennessean for the sweater story.

.....So when she moved to Nashville this year, she brought her newly found Christmas tradition with her and persuaded 40 friends to participate in their first-ever "tacky Christmas sweater pub crawl."

They wove in and out of the bars on Demonbreun Street, drawing attention from other bar hoppers with their flashing sweaters and jingling hems.

But Ainge and her friends didn't care about the stares.

"There's something to be said about not caring what people think and having a good time," Ainge said. "I can't wait until I'm older and I can wear holiday sweaters all the time and it'll be completely appropriate."

I had always thought that the beauty and grace of growing old was based on the wisdom garnered from a life well lived, or enjoying the grandchildren we hope we'll have someday (no rush kiddos!) or being able to shoo young hooligans off the yard while brandishing a cane. I better start stocking up on holiday sweaters...you know I always wanna be appropriate!

Dear Jameson Suites in Jackson

2006-12-20T07:41:00.000-06:00

Thank you, thank you, thanks. This is not snark. This is no sarcasm or disco. That amazing full-force-astro-blast-kick-ass shower head and power-blast water flow was magnificent. It beat the hell out of that weak-shit-flow in the Memphis Sleep Inn.

I used to have a birthmark on my left arm. Your shower took care of that..whoooowheeee. I'm a new, much cleaner, man. I know we're suPPosed to be conserving water, but sweet minerva-of-the-woods, I love that shower.

thanks for having me, Jameson Suites in Jackson.*

*this was not a paid endorsement. In fact, I'm just about to pay THEM.

The blogger gods must be crazy, or the West Tennessee blogger tour continues..

2006-12-19T23:00:00.000-06:00

I'm actually occasionally glancing skyward, expecting to see a laptop fall in a nearby parking lot. This evening as I was driving eastward into Jackson, I decided on a whim to call Newscoma to see if there was ANY chance she was near Jackson and if there was ANY chance she'd want to have some dinner.

Earlier today, I had my long-anticipated lunch with Lindsey of Theo/Geo fame (well, long anticipated by ME, wonderfully tolerated by Lindsey). I finished up my bizness in Memphis around 12:30, scooted over to Huey's on Madison in time to see Lindsey strolling down Madison. I love the Huey's. I get the same exact Huey burger and onion rings EVERYTIME I go there. More importantly, I loved chatting with Lindsey who didn't give me that mean look I once saw on her blog, even once.

I'm literally old enough to be her dad (in fact, I am OLDER than her dad)..sigh. She was nice about it all, and I continue to be impressed with her smarts, her wit, and her Target earrings. So, thanks, Lindsey. You rock...damn, i forgot to ask about the deflated balloons in her hair from earlier days.

On another note, Lindsey, in person, reminded me of Ivy. In fact, she could be her little sister, imo. Does this make her my blog-sister-in-law???

Soooo, tonight,as i stated earlier, I call the Newscoma. I understand that West Tennessee covers a great deal of territory and that just because NC lives in W. Tennessee doesn't mean she would be near the Jackson area just because I called.

Of course, not only was NC around the area, she was already THERE shopping with the Rodent Queen. The blogger gods smile upon me.

We ate sushi in Jackson. I was surprised to find such a thing, considering that most of the West Tennesseans I know call this stuff bait. Dinner and convo exquisitely delightful.

So, in summary, after I got through the pesky work stuff, my day turned out very well. Thanks, Lindsey, Newscoma, and Rodent Queen.

PS. Good luck with the car issues, Lindsey.

Getting schooled, or, Sometimes there are some pretty large cracks...

2006-12-19T07:12:00.000-06:00

I came across this devastating article about public schools thanks to CLICKED. Before I write about the article I should say that my wife is a public school teacher, all three of my kids went to public schools from 1st through 12th grade, we have many friends who are teachers and another good friend who was on the school board until recently (sadly, she was foxed out..).

I am a strong proponent of public education even though I spent 16 years in a private school (Lipscomb - which may explain a lot). Public schools don't get to weed out the miscreants, slow learners, non-english-speaking kids and the kids who are different. I also believe that charter schools should be given more of a chance round these parts to better deal with some of the so-called fringe kids. I believe that a voucher system would destroy the good public schools along with the bad, but I digress.

My belief in public education is why I was so frustrated last summer when Kay Brooks* was maneuvered onto the School Board. Kay is a home schooler and has a lot to say about education, but should not have been party to another fine Crafton/Craddock plot (in my humble opinion). She had every right to run for office and I'm glad she did.

I'm slowly winding my way to the major point - public schools often do a piss poor job of dealing with outsiders. Let me pull a quote from the article:

When you read about the problems with American education, you usually read a bunch statistics about literacy and dropout rates. But those statistics don't do the subject justice because the problem with American education is a human story. Every dropout is a human being, every illiterate teenager is an individual, every teen that commits suicide was somebody's baby, and every kid that's doing 20 to life is a real breathing person full of potential.

People are too quick to criticize parents, teachers, administrators, and students. The failure of government education isn't theirs alone. It's every American's fault because we continue to allow the unrestrained growth of government schooling. Haven't we learned anything from our own experiences in government schools?

The author of this piece, Steve Olson, seems close to wishing the entire system destroyed, even though he backs away at times. Where he hit home with me is when he mentions 'zero tolerance'..

The top students learn the system. If they are free thinkers, they hide it, because they're after top grades and independent thinking is too risky and unpredictable.

What's different today is the nature of the mediocre and poor students. They don't confront and challenge us like they used to. They seem brain dead and indifferent.

Our zero tolerance policies have created a larger gulf between the students and us. From the late sixties until the mid-nineties, the students and their culture were somewhat accessible. Today they completely shut us out.

Our younger son was 'zero-toleranced' right out of Hillsboro for one year - he got caught with a joint. He did a stupid thing and deserved to be punished. What happened to him made his stupidity sound like accidenal littering.

He was placed in an alternative school with elementary school furniture and elementary school-like textbooks. I use the word textbook lightly. They were actually workbooks, many with fill-in-the-blanks. There were no after school activities and no required counseling sessions. The kids were basically in a place where they were told they were defective and could not learn. Our son began to buy into this nonsense and we pulled him out of school. He got to go back to Hillsboro for his senior year, thankfully, and despite what a moronic vice-principal told him, he got to graduate with his class.

I saw first-hand how the school system deals with the so-called alternative kid. He was treated the same way as if he had bought a gun to school. Once again, he deserved punishment and he had to deal with severe penalties from the legal system, for which my wife and I remain very grateful.

Particularly galling was the fact that several students at Hillsboro the same time my son was expelled got caught passing counterfeit money in Green Hills. They were suspended and not expelled which is curious considering it was a federal offense. Oddly, that crime was not listed as a 'zero tolerance' offense. My point is that zero tolerance policy is ridiculous, not that those young men should have been treated as stupidly my son.

If you want to read another story about school malfeasance, please read Ginger's post about what happened to her daughter and how the school handled the situation.

Like I said above, we still need public education. I'm not ready to throw the whole thing out, even though home-schooling is a viable option for some and our schools have failed so many. The author of the article is quite bitter, but considering his story, I probably would be as well.

*I wrote some mean things about Kay Brooks in regards to her school board tenure. I don't regret my belief that she should have not been named to the school board. I do regret my mean-spiritedness. I've been told by many people that Kay is quite nice and quite friendly. She certainly has important things to say about education. If I were looking for advice regarding home schooling, I would start with Kay. Our politics are quite different, but that is actually quite irrelevant in the great scheme of things.

Dinner in the Zone - Lynnzone...

2006-12-18T23:38:00.000-06:00

I'm lucky to be conscious right now, because if Lynn (Lynnster, not my wife Lynn) had done to my friend Phil and me what we deserved, we would have been bludgeoned with whatever blunt object that Lynn could get her hands on. We didn't say rude things (at least about Lynn) and we weren't cads...we just talked and talked and talked, and I'm sure that Lynn would have LIKED to get in a word edgewise, but no time for that kind of thing.

My friend Phil and I worked together on a data installation project in Memphis many years ago, and there are certain indelible stories that emerged from those years...stories that improve with the re-telling, and re-telling we did.

I did enjoy myself...Lynnster and Phil are great company, but next time I promise to bring a roll of duct tape and let Lynn tape my logorrheic orifice after I ask her a few pertinent questions. I promise her a period of no less than 10 minutes for her to spout, rant, rave, converse, discuss or cuss any which way she wants it....she deserves no less.

btw..Lynn is at least 2.5 times better looking in person than in her blog picture, and she is every bit as friendly as you would imagine reading her blog. Phil, on the other hand, needs to leave his picture completely off the internet (o;

4.5 degrees of separation, or less separation for me with Memphis

2006-12-17T15:55:00.000-06:00

One of the abiding cliches of the last twenty years or so is that we are all connected (at least here in North America) by no more than six people. The world of trivia boggled when it seemed like Kevin Bacon was in every movie in the 1980s and 1990s, thus spawning various versions of the '6 Degrees of Kevin Bacon' game.

Aside: Kevin Bacon isn't even in the top 100 of actors that are the most 'connected'. The late great Rod Steiger wins that 'honor' hands down.

Anyway, back to the rambled-to point. I'm thinking the internet has lessened our separateness - maybe not soul-wise and spiritually - but certainly in some sort of communal way. Blogs bring people together who have never met and then they discover they worked at the same place virtually days apart. I discovered that one of my older son's best friends is the son of Kerry Woo aka Wonderdawg.

I'm leaving for Memphis in a few minutes for a few days. I'm hoping to have dinner with Lynnster tomorrow night and maybe some lunch with Lindsey on Tuesday. These are people that I probably wouldn't meet in the proverbial 100 years if it wasn't for the blog-a-teria.

Back in the late 90's I spent a LOT of time in Memphis. We were installing a then-new software system in the Memphis-Shelby county Health Department. I made several friends during that time. Most of them no longer live in Memphis or work for the Health Department any longer. Basically, I'm down to two people I really know in the entire city of Memphis. Memphis is home to LOTS of people.

What are the odds that Lynnster knows one of these two people..I dunno, but she does and we are all having dinner tomorrow night. Go figure.

Just on principle, Merril Hoge is still an idiot, or Finnegan left pursuit in wake..

2006-12-17T15:25:00.000-06:00

This game today will certainly not be a part of any defense for the value of Vince Jones to the Titans. He made several bonehead plays, including one made-for-head-scratching pass towards the end that literally could have given the game away...

But, it was a day of defense. For every bad thing you can say about the Titan's offense today, there is an equally wonderful observation one can say about the defense. My long-held dream for a Number 31 jersey (Cortland Finnegan - defensive back) to be sold to the general public may be coming closer to fruition. Ahhhhhhh..Finnegan. Whatta play he made, picking up a fumble and running it back for what seemed like 90 yards for a touchdown.

And Pac, oh Pac...if you were as much a wonder off the field as on, you might be the B'nai B'rith man of the year...oy vey, whatta game Pac played.

Kudos to the defense...sadly, Merril Hoge's continued campaign against Vince gained ground today...but it doesn't really matter...TITANS WIN, TITANS WIN, TITANS WIN!!

Whoooohooooo, I'm TIME magazine's MAN of the YEAR!!

2006-12-17T07:40:00.000-06:00

ok..you and you, and yes YOU, are as well. Time has totally jumped the shark or whatever it is that magazines do when they flail into dumbness. Anyone who uses a computer, pretty much, is Time Magazine's 'man' of the year. I agree with Roger A. - if you're going to do something this lame, why bother.

Usually by the time Time uses a slang word, like bling for instance, it is SO PLAYED and lame..kinda like when your parents tried to use slang in one of their 'you're an idiot but I love you speeches'* and they wanted to 'connect'. Waiting until 2006 to figure out that bloggers and YouTubers and Web 2.0 are 'happening' is, in a word, sad. My message to you, old TIMERS behind this choice - in the words of Blogger so often when I try to post a picture: "You've timed out"...

But, after being inspired by Roger's post to write this, I'm thinking, who better for 'MAN of the YEAR' but this guy...

I mean, he has saved us, and the world, at least 5 or 6 times.

*I surely can't be alone in the receipt of the 'you're an idiot but we love you speeches'. My mom once used 'HEY NOW'(this usage WAY pre-dates the Larry Sanders show, but is said in a sing-song way that my mother JUST BUTCHERED) in a 'speech' and I nearly collapsed in laughter. She pretty much left off the 'we love you' portion of the lecture at this point.

Hey, do you know where this is?

2006-12-17T07:04:00.000-06:00

I'm borrowing a page from my Metroblogging friends. Occasionally one of the M.B.s posts a picture and challenges the readers to guess where the pic was taken. I can say that this is in Davidson County. I can also say that I'm sorry for the poor quality of the pic..it was taken from my Verizon phone.

I was driving around aimlessly due to the loss of Black Santa and I came across this really interesting abandoned house. Truth be told, I had read about this house and had been looking for it for some time...I had miscalculated by a bit until yesterday. I love the monogrammed chimney!

There's a completely paid-for, full-course lunch/dinner at Mothership for the first person who identifies the location of this picture.

I know it's cruel and not nice, but these things always make me laugh..

2006-12-16T16:14:00.000-06:00

The name of the blog where I found this pic made me laugh as well: Don't Feed or Spank the Monkey. It's an ~~New Zealand~~ Australian blog. The author claims to have saved the world 27 times...funny, I didn't think Jack Bauer lived in ~~New Zealand~~ Australia..

Update: Sunday PM - I must be blind. The author of the blog I wrote about above lives in Perth, Australia, which is not in New Zealand (nor does it probably wish to be in NZ) unless there is some sort of unpleasant continental shift looming. Sorry, Kitta!

Life has little meaning - Black Santa has moved on, or quite possibly the worst melange of poetic styles anyone will ever read.....

2006-12-16T08:52:00.000-06:00

Tis' the morning after our Salemtown bash,
and hutchmo is bereft,
I've stooped to 3rd person,
cuz, Black Santa has LEFT.

he mumbled some excuses,
as he stroked his gray beard,
and then frankly speaking,
he said, "hutchmo YOU'RE weird..

your rhymes aren't as good as the great CLC,
and i've grown somewhat tired of your irascibility,
it's time to move onward from Chez de Hutchmo,
but i'm staying in Salemtown, not far will I go"

"My new home is swaddled in such gay apparel,
not clothed in jeans blue, and outdated Merrell,
there'll be fine dining, dancing, and deep-tissue rubs,
not sitting around in sweats, watching re-runs of Scrubs..

I'm looking for excitement, some Beam in my nogs,
not sitting around scratching and reading the blogs,
Quit yer whinin' hutchmo, it's not as if I've been Nicked,
some of the time, ~~you can be such a dick~~, it's been such a kick

I've got to formulate a plot fore I end up in jail or shot
Success is my only motha-santa option, failure's not
Mom, I love you, but this old man's got to go
I cannot grow old in Salem's lot*

With those oddly familiar words,
Black Santa was gone,
trailing P-funk along with M & Ms on the lawn...

'tis not dew that glistens upon that lawn,
it's the tears from knowing that Black Santa has gone,
and knowing that he will sup with another,
it feels as if I've lost my last brother...

oh, somewhere in this favored land the sun is shining bright;
The band is playing somewhere, and somewhere hearts are light,
And somewhere men are laughing, and little children shout;
But there is no joy in hutchmo-Black Santa has moved out.

*At this point, Black Santa apparently decided to channel Eminem copyrighted material.

Ice Ice baby - fun with the Predators, or, hey look, it's a cell phone trick

2006-12-15T06:27:00.000-06:00

The Predators rocked the house last night, winning 6-0 over the defenseless Senators from Ottawa. It was kind of like watching the Harlem Globetrotters against the Washington Generals, if that makes sense to you..

Kariya set up office in his 'corner' handing out assists like a Vegas dealer, and Sullivan, oh Sullivan, comes off a week-long injury to give us a 'natural hat trick' (scoring 3 goals in a row without any interceding goals from either team). Fans close enough to the ice threw their hats on the ice (I sit in nosebleed), which is one of those fun hockey traditions that don't seem to have counterparts in other sports. The Predators were just plain ON.

It was all fun, except for TWO things: a totally gratuitous and ugly playing of 'Rocky Top' during the second period (I don't see any Vols on the ice), and the guy in front of me with the cell phone who needed to stand up to talk on the phone. I'm going to push for a new institution at sporting events: The cell phone trick..

Someone in front of you stands up to talk on the phone or talks unreasonably loudly 3 times during the game, and you get to throw his/her cell phone on the field.....sounds reasonable to me.

Peep Show..

2006-12-14T22:55:00.000-06:00

Have you seen THIS one? It's kind of survival of the 'fittest'....Not surprisingly, the sexier ones do well. My entry might last up to ten minutes...

Putting a governor on democracy, or Who cares who the people voted for...

2006-12-14T07:21:00.000-06:00

The sad story of South Dakota's Senator Tim Johnson's stroke is newsworthy for many reasons. Mostly we all (well, probably almost all of us) wish him well and many of us will pray for his recovery.

The secondary story here is what happens if Senator Johnson doesn't recover or has to resign from the senate because of incapacitation. I certainly don't want to conflate the importance of the two stories, but the political aspect of the secondary story leads into a large pet peeve of mine.

When a senator leaves office in the middle of his/her term for any reason, the Governor of the state from which the senator was elected gets to name the interim replacement for the senator.

Most of the time, the Governor will name an interim from the Governor's political party. The problem I have (and I don't think I'm alone) is that the people may have voted for someone from the OPPOSITE party. I realize that the Senate is the lesser democratic (small 'd' democratic) of the two bodies, but I do not understand why the will of the people can be thwarted in such a manner.

In this case, the control of the Senate hangs in the balance. My beef isn't that a Republican will be named in South Dakota to replace Senator Johnson (in the worst case scenario)...I don't care if the senator in question is Republican, Democratic, Green, Socialist, or Pleistocene. If the governor doesn't replace the vacancy with a member of the party that left office prematurely, the governor is not only turning his back on the majority of the people in the state that bothered to vote, he is saying that his 'vote' is more important than the people.

Most of all, I want Senator Johnson to recover. That is clearly the best 'solution' here.

"That's a lie, I didn't sleep with your woman...

2006-12-13T20:22:00.000-06:00

we stayed awake all night"....

From the wonderful brain of Paul Thorn, one of my favorite singer-songwriters in this universe. When I went to the 'crumbling' Tower on West End to snag a few values before the Tower is no more, I found this CD/DVD combination.

Paul Thorn, live in Birmingham...mmmmm, TaStY.

I've been through the desert on a meme with no name, and there ain't no tagging to give you pain

2006-12-13T17:14:00.000-06:00

For no particular reason, with no particular rules and without explanation of any kind.

1. That guy's voice on the Men's Warehouse commericals.

2. warm moist towelettes at the Rendevous

3. 8 Days a Week

4. mixing honey with butter

5. watching Paul Kariya over in the corner

6. realizing you can

7. Do you ever just get down on your knees and thank God that you know me and have access to my dementia?"
- George, in "The Switch"

8. chivitas

9. orange juice and club soda

10. Prestidigitation

9. Re-making the In-Laws

8. Being told what I think by someone who doesn't know me

7. needing to scratch when they're all looking at you

6. Something about Jim

5. Sandy Johnson

4. It's Christmas, no it's the Holidays, no it's CHRISTMAS, HAPPY HOLIDAY you moronic excuse for a carbon-based life form, NO, it's CHRISTMAS you godless pinhead with christmas spirit flatter than Britney Spear's brainwaves, HAPPY FUCKIN' Holidays and the horse you rode in on...

3. Santa Baby as sung by Madonna

2. lighting candles on airplanes

1. assuming

0. should

Young Frankenstein tap dances into heaven - Peter Boyle passes on..

2006-12-13T15:49:00.000-06:00

Back when Mel Brooks was actually making movies for people over the age of 15, he created the best satirical monster movie ever: 'Young Frankenstein'. One of the reasons the whole thing worked so well (besides the great script) was the casting. Gene Wilder (when he was still funny and not maudlin), a luscious Teri Garr, Madeline Kahn, Cloris Leachman, Gene Hackman. Marty Feldman, and the wonderful Peter Boyle as Frankenstein.

Before this movie, Boyle was almost always typecast as the tough blue collar, humorless, sometimes bigoted Archie Bunker without a meathead. Brooks saw something in Boyle - the twinkle, the pathos, and the fact that he could tap dance to Putting on the Ritz while playing Frankenstein.

Boyle was pitch-perfect. The role broke him out into the world of romantic comedy (While You Were Sleeping - father-in-law), science fiction (X-Files) and his wonderful coda: the dad on 'Everyone Love's Raymond' - the combination of the early blue collar bigot with a good heart and a great sense of comic timing.

Boyle died last night. I hope he's horsing around with Madeline Kahn by now...

New hope for the brain dead...

2006-12-12T07:35:00.000-06:00

And no, this is not a cheap Terry Frank joke. I kid the Terry.

According to the morning paper, Senator Frist is eying a run for governor. Now that he helped turn the majority party into the minority party nationally, local Democrats have to be licking their chops.

On the other hand, cat owners might wanna keep a tighter watch on their felines, now that Bill-the-Knife is baaaaaaaaaack in town.

oh my God..they ARE out to get me

2006-12-12T06:57:00.000-06:00

I guess I'm going to have to apologize to the OCE Variopoint 2110. It's still not working, but apparently my extreme-machine-dissing has been passed along cyber-like to my work computer. Ok, the fact that my work computer is a low-state-bid-that-costs-more-than-what-you-could-get-off-the-shelf-at-Office-Max Gateway computer may have something to do with the satanic forces that have inhabited my computer since my rather harsh talk about the OCE Variopoint 2110.

Yesterday, out of nowhere, I got this message that my machine was shutting down in 45 seconds and I better, really really fast, save what I was doing because it was going to BE GONE. So, I saved the ~~blog post~~ really important state document I was working on and waited for the metal-machine-music to reboot. Every three minutes or so after that, I got the message of death. I called the help desk and to their credit, they responded quickly.

I guess the urgency of my message resonated in the halls of the help center. They sent not one ~~geek~~ incredibly helpful state employee, but two. They proceeded to run the state-low-bid-adware-detector which is sadly not quite as good as the stuff you can load for, say, FREE, from the internet, and then they ran it again, and for good times, one more time.

They left, with the message to call if I had any more problems. Within five minutes I was beseiged with more pop-ups than moles at the Midway. I managed to work for several minutes on what was actually an incredibly important state document and then I got the message of death again...

So, to the OCE Variopoint 2110, I apologize. I'm sure your feelings and inner workings are far more complex, than I, a simple carbon-based life form, can realize. Please tell your friend, Mr. Gateway, that I'm sorry.

While I'm at it, just to be safe, I'll apologize to Merril Hoge (misguided ESPN analyst who still thinks Vince Young stinks) as well. Maybe cable TV really is ruining our lives.

To any other machine I've maligned, I'm sorry...really really sorry.

The OCE Variopoint 2110 copier will probably do windows, but only if it's fed, or, If I had a hammer...

2006-12-11T17:09:00.000-06:00

I wanted to show you the fine state of affairs we have come to in our office with our favorite new ~~HAL~~ machine. We actually have a sign made to commemorate when the damn machine is actually working..

So, the sign was on this morning and the machine was humming along and probably sending secret cables to the auditors and networking with the 700 Club or something, and then I go to our Christmas lunch where we played 'Dirty Santa'. I scored some premium quality chocolate orange candy, which is a far sight better than the rock singer tongue air freshener I brought to the table.

I get back to the office and what do I see...

This guy was there and nobody saw him leave. I think that the OCE Variopoint 2110 was hungry. Nothing like a little shop of copiers....

This may explain the low birth-rate in eastern European countries, or, I think Camino had more to drink than I realized..

2006-12-10T23:57:00.000-06:00

I was actually trying to find a picture of one of the Doors to validate the fact that the guitar player looks a whole lot like Paulie Shore* (ok, I was watching this NPT show on 60's music and they played a clip of the Doors on Ed Sullivan performing 'Light My Fire' and I'm looking at the guitar player and thinking, damn, that dude looks like Paulie Shore and I'm also thinking that I might want to finally do something about getting a life), when I clicked on some eastern European site that purportedly HAD a picture of the Doors, and I find the above picture.

Needless to say, I was transfixed. I thought that the Doors back catalogue had been selling quite well...little did I know. This really is, the end....

*Let me hasten to add that I don't think Paulie Shore is, was, or probably will be, funny. It may be my advanced age. I prefer to think it's my IQ.

Please tell Vince Young there's something he can't do, or, Merrill Hoge is even more an idiot..

2006-12-10T15:22:00.000-06:00

I've already opined that ESPN's concussed football analyst Merrill Hoge is an idiot. He actually claimed that the Titan's offense HIDES Young. I don't know whatthehell Titan team he has been watching.

I'm fairly certain that someday, somewhere, a Vince-lead Titans team will lose. I'm also certain that Vince doesn't believe what I said in the previous sentence. Watching him run and run into the end zone for the winning touchdown today reminded me of watching one of my sons run the bases back in the day in one of our many backyard whiffle ball games. His head was held high, arms were pumping, and if you looked deep in his eyes you would know that anything, yes anything, was possible.

I'm not sure that the pundits (at least the pundits not named Hoge) can come up with anything new to say about Young. The man is leading the Titans into the future and it's looking pretty good from this angle.

Unidentified blogger has run-in with Berry Hill police after a few shots at the Mothership

2006-12-10T13:46:00.000-06:00

It really was loads of fun last night, even for those of us who weren't able to join in the 'shots' gunned..

And you thought that Hi-Fidelity Musical idea was bad, but, what crazy monkey thought of this one...

2006-12-10T06:51:00.000-06:00

Among the top five stupid ideas of the year was turning the wonderful book 'High Fidelity' into a musical. I was really glad to hear that it is pretty much a failure (if the words - top five ideas for a musical that never should have been made - are any indication).

But..that idea is an absolute piker in the world of bad ideas when it comes to this..

JESUS! And I'm not saying that in a blasphemous way..He is the proposed star of a new romantic comedy TV series....seems JC has come back and is working in an IKEA store in Los Angeles and sorta hooks up with a single working woman. There are SOOOO many things wrong with this..First of all..LA..NO WAY.

Seriously, in the world of ideas pretty much certain to offend millions of people, this one is pretty much in Michael Richards/Mel Gibson/Chistmas Shoes territory....

This kinda sounds like a bad skit on Studio 60, but I'm not even sure it rises to that level.

Maybe the pundit was right.....you put a roomful of crazy monkeys together...give em' typewriters/computers and they DID come up with something...so to speak. Sheeeesh

Mother of a blogger meat-up...

2006-12-09T21:32:00.000-06:00

This was the best blogger meet-up ever, imo. Great food (of course), cozy confines, wine and other beverages flowing, tongues loosening, and lots of new connections and renewal of old connections. We even had a mayoral candidate show up!

Maestro organizer Dr. Woo and a fuzzy Britney..fuzziness at this point is NOT due to the wine, but the photographer.

Progressive Mr. Mack squares off with the wonderfully conservative Glen Dean.

Snapping Ginger...

Chris Wage, B-Dub (altho he mastered the domain at the Mothership, things were a little different back home), and Jag in her patent pending trademark pose.

Silver shoes, silver shoes, it's Christmas time in the city.

Rico Suave aka Blake Wylie made a late grand entrance.

The fabulous Aunt B, Ceeelcee (thank God he didn't wear what he threatened to wear), and the wondrous RuaBelle

My blogger 'wife' and me. The only reason this is in here is because Ivy looks so nice.

I had more pics, but they really didn't come out at all. Sorry to all the other many cool people who didn't get in my pics..I'm sure they'll show up on other blogs authored by better photographers.

It was cool meeting some bloggers for the first time - Slartibartfast and his wife, Holiday Grinch, Sara Clark, Glen Dean, Josh Tinley, John Lamb (editor of Hispanic Nashvile blog), and the master wit Rex. L. Camino.

Thanks to Kerry, Jim and all the others who put this together...Fabulous.

I'll get you for this, Slartibartfast...

2006-12-09T09:54:00.000-06:00

We've all had those stupid tunes we couldn't get out of our heads. I wanted to torture that Bega guy who sang that stupid Mambo #5 song. For months after hearing that song incessantly played everywhere I went, all of my thoughts would be to the tune of Mambo # 5..

A little bit of laundry in my life
A little bit of coffee by my side
A little bit of bacon is what I need
Some apricot jam would be whoooweeee
A little bit of sitting in the sun
Listening to my mp3s would be fun
A little screwed up is what I am
I hate this song, DAMN DAMN DAMN

I went for freakin' MONTHS with that tune. More recently ~~Pete~~ Bob ~~Seeger~~ Seger's 'Thhhhisss iss ourrr Countreeee' ditty was lodged into my medulla obligata, bouncing around like neutrons at an open bar (for you, there's no charge..).

Now...NOW comes this blog 'Shoot the Moose' which I enjoy reading. But..does the author of the blog have some name that sits there calmly not insinuating itself into your brain like a festation of mice in the cheese closet...NO. He has to call himself SLARTIBARTFAST. Say it three times...trust me..you'll be hearing it in your sleep.

I'm begging somebody somewhere to play me a catchy tune that is tolerable and will purge the Magrathean water torture of the impossible-to-forget-name. I'm sure I'd like the guy behind the 'Slartibartfast', but that name is driving ME coo-coo'er than a busload of kids deprived of their Cocoa Puffs.

Yeah, I read the 'Hitchhiker's Guide to the Universe' and the subsequent trilogy, but somehow that name didn't stick to my cranium like superglue.

What's a blogger to do?

why i'll never be confused with an artist, or, Toss THIS cookie.

2006-12-09T05:58:00.000-06:00

Every year since 1999 my friend Susan has hosted this Christmas-related party where you are provided with an endless supply of sugar cookies, lotsa different color icing, sprinkles, M & Ms and gum drops for the purpose of creating award-winning cookie designs.

Awards are presented for the best holiday cookie, best non-holiday themed cookie, and best in show. There were about 60 people of both genders and all ages feverishly working on their elaborately designed cookies. There were 3-D Christmas trees, palm trees with ocean waves in the background, claymation action figure cookies, entire nativity scenes made from various sized cookies, dogs leashed to their master, Elvis cookies, funny reindeer cookies and many more including a really well-designed hockey stick. Then there was mine.

Not surprisingly, I went home without a prize. Can you make out the theme of my stupid cookie?

Btw..the party was lots of fun. Next year I'm lobbying for a new 'worst in show' award. I'm feeling prettttttttty good about my chances.

merrill hoge is an idiot, or, you best not be dissing Vince 'forever' Young around here...

2006-12-08T13:54:00.000-06:00

Merrill Hoge is an ESPN football analyst and former running back with the Steelers. He was actually a pretty decent running back until a series of concussions finished his career. Apparently, the effect of the concussions has not completely abated.

Some dude put together Merrill's disses about Vince, and Vince's actual play on the field. I think you will agree with my assessment about Merrill when you see the video.

Radulov, Radulov, Alexander Radulov....

2006-12-08T07:52:00.000-06:00

If you don't care anything about hockey, ignore this post. But if you do care and you are 'into' the Preds, then you need to pay attention to rookie Radulov. The man is a SCORING MACHINE.

We really could have two rookies of the year candidates in one city here: Vince for the Titans and Alexander for the Preds. Maybe Alexander needs to lose the scraggly beard, but we haven't seen anything quite like this on the ice.

Pay HEED!

Apparently I wasn't fast enough...I got tagged

2006-12-07T22:54:00.000-06:00

Ivy tapped me for the '3 Things' meme..

Scare me: birds flying free indoors, parties where I know 1 or less people, being unprepared in a meeting

Make me laugh: Sedaris family, Sarcastro, P.G. Wodehouse

I love: Samurai Sushi, baseball trips, walking the dogs in the 'hood

I hate: printers, OCE Viviopoint 2110 copiers, Styx

I don't understand: chemistry, musical theory, the appeal of Danny Kaye

Things on my desk: a coffee cup that needs to be washed out, another coffee cup that needs more washing than the first cup, stupid quotes from George Bush

I'm doing right now: waking my wife (i thought i was typing softer), this stupid meme, wishing i didn't have to go to work tomorrow

I want to do before I die: hang glide, visit Paris (the one in France), live somewhere with a GREAT view

I can do: fairly difficult crossword puzzles, a pretty good Bullwinkle imitation, laundry

I can't do: a decent drawing (sad considering i'm the son and husband of art teachers), sing in tune, avoid tearing up when watching emotional movies or hallmark greeting card ads on tv

I think you should listen to: Aunt B, Purple Rain by Prince, The entire Rain Dog CD by Tom Waits

You should never listen to: me sing, Styx, Tim McCarver

I'd like to learn: musical theory, how to juggle, Spanish

Favorite foods: pulled pork at the Mothership, my wife's cornbread, sushi from Mr. Choo at Samurai

Beverages I drink regularly: oj and club soda, dasani lemon flavored, iced tea half sweetened and half unsweetened

Shows I watched as a kid: Superman, 3 Stooges, Bonanza

The Tagging stops HERE!

December 7th - A study in contrasts

2006-12-07T06:49:00.000-06:00

On December 7th, 1941, the Japanese made a great and grave mistake by waking up a sleeping giant when they attacked Pearl Harbor. Our country had no choice but to awaken, declare war and begin the path to a victory that thwarted the spread of fascism and the murder of millions of people who didn't quite make it up to the Aryan standard.

On December 7th, 2006, as the pundits peruse the 'Baker report', and the White House spins the contents, we need to wake up to the fact that 11 Americans died yesterday in Iraq, and that this war is quite possibly the biggest foreign policy mistake in our lifetimes, if not a myriad of lifetimes. Flawed in it's ramp-up, disasterous in post-war execution, we have done nothing but destablize a region that was teetering at best.

Mr. President, can you look the families of those 11 soldiers in the eye and tell them just exactly why they had to die? Yeah, you can spin and churn, but the truth is, thousands of lives, both Iraqis and American, have been lost with little to show.

Violence is worse in Iraq than when we arrived. You can call it sectarian, you can call it civil war, but the truth is, what we are doing is not working, and we need to get out.

The election was a clear vote of no-confidence in your failed war policy, President Bush. My prayer is that this anniversary of a horrible awakening will completely wake this administration up to the horror they have wrought.

Mr. President..it's time to go.

It took em' 8 months to come up with this?

2006-12-07T00:32:00.000-06:00

Panel says U.S. policy in Iraq ‘is not working’

A devil of a post, or, Clarity through turmoil

2006-12-06T16:43:00.000-06:00

I realize that Lindsay over at 'Suburban Turmoil' doesn't need me to feed her readership, but I have to say that her latest post (latest at this writing) about the devil as seen from the eyes of a child through the eyes of a mature adult is just outstanding. Regardless of your theological underpinning (or lack of theological underpinning) the post is a great and provocative read.

I think C.S. Lewis would be proud, and that is high praise from me. Please don't think that Lindsay's column is now suddenly a religious or spiritual outposting. Her blog title speaks for itself. She closes the post:

At our own massive sanctuary, any evidence of The Devil has been carefully whitewashed and sanitized. We pretend we’re all next-door neighbors, even though most us have never met. Lucifer may be lurking somewhere outside, but if we sing loudly and smile brightly and keep our eyes shut during the prayer, we can probably keep him out until he gives up and heads for a smaller congregation.

What a comfort it is to know that the smartest and most sophisticated of us have managed to banish Satan from our lives, warding off his return with charitable donations to the Red Cross and Life is Good bumper stickers. And yet, sometimes I could swear I still catch a glimpse of the old Devil I used to know in the cocky stride of a local politician, in the tone of my gossipy girlfriends’ voices, and, fleetingly, in my own eyes when I look in the mirror.

Enough from me...go read THIS.

ZICAM - the complete story

2006-12-06T10:25:00.000-06:00

I will continue to sing the praises of ZICAM because just a few puffs made me feel like a new man, or should I say, a more-able-to-breathe 54 year old man. The day after my head was pounding like Charlie Watts (homage to John Hiatt), I was able to pick up my sick bed and go to work and be nearly productive.

But, in fairness, as a commenter on my original ZICAM post pointed out, ZICAM is known to have side effects, chiefly loss or decreased sense of smell. I haven't noticed this side effect - in fact, thanks to a recent shower and this soapy gel stuff I'm using, I am, in the words of OutKast, so fresh and so clean.

Anyway, I thought I would do more research into other possible side affects of Zicam in order to be as fair and balanced as our friends at Fox News. A few other possible side effects I've uncovered:

Vapours, dropsey, Lamont-Thompson syndrome, heebie-jeebies, cat panting, moist ear, astral swelling, minerva basting, plantars pee-nuts, slartibartfasting, rascalitis, pulaski elbow, ben-dover syndrome, fulmination, rumination and inability to juggle.

I hope this helps.

Update: 12/7/06 - A Canadian website that lists side effects of drugs linked to this post. The website listed, without commentary, the ridiculous list of side effects in the above paragraph. My hope and prayer is that some Canadian asks his/her pharmacist about the perils of Lamont-Thompson syndrome, or for that matter, cat panting.

Lights out in Salemtown, or, what has Ludye done NOW?

2006-12-06T10:18:00.000-06:00

This morning when I was begin to wake UP, the lights started flickering and wavering more than John Kerry on Iraq policy. After about an hour of shimmy shimmy, the electricity went off. As far as I could tell, most of Salemtown was affected, including the intersection of Metrocenter Blvd. and the interstate.

Fortunately, the outage did not extend to the new Starbucks. I was able to fulfill my need for morning caffeine, even though our coffeemaker couldn't go about its business.

As of 7:30, no info from NES, other than there had been LOTSA complaints.

A gift to Nashville, or, Who doesn't want to learn to speak English?

2006-12-05T07:14:00.000-06:00

The third reading of the 'English first' bill is scheduled for tonight's Metro Council Meeting. I have a few questions I'd like to ask the city council members before they vote, but first I want them to consider the season and to consider what a great country we live in.

When we go over our list of things to be thankful for, I need to always remember to be grateful to live in a country where people want to get IN, rather than a country where people are dying to LEAVE. I'm thankful I live in a city that is much more diverse than the city I grew up in (I grew up here in Nashville). I'm thankful that people like Avon Williams and James Lawson decided that enough was enough - if we claimed to be Christians, how could we live in a city that was basically an apartheid system. Things aren't perfect, even yet, but that just gives us all something to attain.

I'm thankful for the many ethnic groups who are gracing our city - Kurds, Hispanic, Laotian - the list could go on and on. The English language is organic and thanks to infusions of other cultures, our language is enriched and vibrant. One of the greatest components of prejudice and fear is ignorance. When we live and work side by side with people who don't look exactly like we do, we learn that they pretty much eat, breathe and want to prosper pretty much like everyone else.

Finally, I'd like to ask the city council a few questions:
1) What Hispanic and other ethnic leaders did Councilman Crofton work with in order to create this bill? He claims it is for the good of 'those people', but with whom did he work to get to this point?

2) Do you know any immigrants to Nashville who DON'T want to learn English? From what I've read there is a demand not being met for English classes serving both adults and student aged immigrant?

3) Why don't you focus on helping these people learn English by offering more opportunity and more accessibility to classes where they can actually learn English?

4) What real purpose is this bill going to serve? What does English first really mean? English is already the official language of Tennessee. Based on my knowledge of geography and capital cities, Nashville is in Tennessee.

In all the noise about the what this season should be called - Holiday or Christmas - we tend to obscure what we really ought to be about - giving, tearing down barriers and being thankful for what we have, and more importantly what we are, and can be.

Join the Chamber of Commerce and the major mayoral candidates in saying NO to this mean-spirited bill. Please urge your councilman to vote NO tonight and show the world that we are truly a great city.

Holy cats, is ZICAM really legal?

2006-12-05T07:02:00.000-06:00

Thanks to all the well-wishers responding to yesterday's 'poor poor pitiful me' I'm feeling like crap entry. I want to especially thank the amazing Ceeelcee for his ZICAM recommendation. I've got some serious suspicions that there has to be some magic, possibly illegal ingredient in this stuff, because man alive, it was a dose of the Dr. Feelgood.

To all the folks at DEA who may be scanning this blog thanks to earlier activity by some people possibly related to this author who really aren't doing that kind of thing anymore, REALLY, I seriously don't think there are illegal ingredients in ZICAM. Based on the rapid response to ZICAM's apparently magical qualities, you gotta wonder though.

I've always been a big proponent of the 'breathing thing'. Dear friends, thanks to CLC and ZICAM, there is visible respiration.*..

* This is not a paid celebrity endorsement. I'm not a celebrity, nor did I receive any renumeration for this testimonial, dear friends. CLC is actually a celebrity of sorts, but he swears he didn't get any moolah either.

Ok, who put my head in a vise, and set my throat on fire..

2006-12-04T13:39:00.000-06:00

This is not actually a rhetorical question. The bug-a-boo that has been floating around the blogging community finally landed full-boot stomping on my noggin. If I passed any of this along to Sarcastro, Jim, Sam , Lynnette or any of my other 'storied' friends last night or all the nice barista types up at the new Starbucks, I humbly and weakly apologize.

I had a bunch of 'Arrested Developments' recorded on the DVR and I was thinking, maybe the story of Gob would ease my pain, but I couldn't even watch what may be one of the three funniest TV shows ever.

Bleecccchhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..my word of the day.

Holy 60 yard field goal, Batman, or, One little, two little Mannings

2006-12-03T15:03:00.000-06:00

I can't believe what I just saw. The greatest understatement of this season might be 'Vince Young is learning on the job'. I've seen telescopic growth over his brief starting career. It's like Vince has totally absorbed the lessons of his mentor, Steve McNair, and put them into action in less than half the time it took McNair to really figure it all out.

I didn't believe the Titans could win this game, because I didn't believe they could stop the elder Manning. I am going to quit saying the phrase 'I don't believe' in conjunction with the Titans. Years from now, barring injury to Young, we're going to look back at these last two games and bear witness to the fact that a franchise was rebuilt, largely on the shoulders on one man.

Welcome to the Vince Young years...The McNair 2.0 model HAS ARRIVED!

For the love of DANIEL WEBSTER, the word is INDICT..

2006-12-01T14:16:00.000-06:00

not inedit or endict. INDICT.

Update: In fairness to the 'Rep', he got it right on the third try.

2nd attempt:

Camp4u
Three more to be endicted?
Three more Democrats have had a complaint filed against them by the US district attorney for bribery...
12/01/2006 (13:01:54)
(more)t

Does anyone have one of those 'participation' ribbons? I'm guessing that in the Rep's elementary school years, he didn't get too far in the old spelling bee contest.

Copy Machine Update, or, Why the OCI Variopoint 2110 hates America...

2006-12-01T11:05:00.000-06:00

I am not making any of this up. The VERY first copy that one of our secretaries attempted to make was instead routed as a saved image in the copier memory. We haven't seen the original since, AND nobody can use the ~~damn~~ amazingly complex piece of ~~merde'~~ technological wonder now because the beast within wants us to do something with the imaged copy.

We are summoning ~~lucifer~~ the service guys who must have some kind of post-graduate degree from MIT. David Bowie once sang, 'isn't there one damn song that can make me break down and cry'. If anyone wants to write a song about the OCE' Variopoint 2110, I can promise plenty of breakdown and crying ...

sheeesh..

The STAR-buck-SHIP has landed, or free coffee for me...

2006-12-01T07:25:00.000-06:00

After months of watching the sign and the progress of the bricklayers, we finally have our neighborhood Starbucks . Yeah, most of us want a locally owned coffee-house, and yes, the 'Coffee Shop Pending' sign still hangs in the window down 5th (across from Germantown Cafe), but I'm beginning to think it's a tease like ~~that girl I went out with in my junior year at Lipscomb College (it was a college then)~~ a caffeine-scented siren unreachable unless your name is Ulysses or Fido, or something like that..

Anyway, the official opening of 'our' new Starbucks is today. Yesterday they had a 'quiet' opening for folks in the neighborhood and they were GIVING AWAY their normally overpriced coffee products. I managed to only have TWO lattes which may be why my counselor wanted to tether me to some rock last night before throwing the rock out the window. I can be chatty...but I certainly wasn't IraScible!!

For what it's worth, the new S'bucks is on the south end of MetroCenter on the corner of 8th and Dominican, a sliver of land that is technically in Salemtown, which is to say, SALEMTOWN BEAT GERMANTOWN in the coffee house sweepstakes, or to put it another way Naana Naana Boo Boo....

Not that I really get to pick racial spokespeople..

2006-11-30T07:33:00.000-06:00

As soon as I saw the first Youtube of Michael Richards racist outburst, I knew that Jesse Jackson would somehow enter stage left into the story. I really don't think anyone elected Jesse to be 'Jesse Jackson - racial spokesman' and I'm certainly not stupid enough to believe that all black folks think any one way about anything including who gets to be the self-proclaimed racial spokesman, but Jesse has somehow managed to maintain his lofty post for many many years. Personally, I think he's 'played' and a lot more interested in Jesse-promotion than much else, but then again, I don't have my own radio show.

If I was in charge of picking racial spokesperson for my race, I think I'd look in the blogger toolbox for an Abramson, a Coble, a 'B' or possibly Sarcastro. If I got a vote for African-American racial spokesperson, I would not vote for Jackson, or even Sharpton. I'd have to cast my ballot for a Dork....He's a lot more interesting.

My serious point is this: When something newsworthy happens to a white person that doesn't involve racial issues, there isn't a WHITE GUY or WHITE WOMAN that the media flocks to for an opinion. Why then, in a supposedly more enlightened era, does the media cling to the canard that a single black person speaks for his or her race? Isn't this just a thinly guised version of the 'all black people are ____________' (fill in the blank with your favorite stupid racial stereotype).

Speaking for me, I'd like to revive an old political slogan..Run, Jesse, Run...and keep running til the TV cameras can't find ya.

Apparently they got the tree on Dickerson Road...

2006-11-30T06:44:00.000-06:00

According to my wonderful friend Ivy's Christmas tree post, Ivy has a very special, if somewhat expensive method of decorating the family (I'm not sure the word family actually applies here) Christmas tree:

"I put hookers on the ornaments". I always knew that Ivy was persuasive.....

Most people put the ornaments on the hookers (i've HEARD), but then again, I've hung out with that Lavergne crowd and they are a special breed.

Hmmm, I would expound further, but I just got a GREAT idea for the city tree down at the courthouse...Mayor Purcell, oh Mayor Purcell......

That'll show him, or, Depriving Lil' Kim of his toys..

2006-11-29T17:09:00.000-06:00

I'm reading that the U.S. government is taboo-ing exports to North Korea if the item can fit into pee-wee Dictator Kim's playhouse. No IPODs for YOU. No more sippin' Hennessey while listening to The Game's 808s.

Who are we kidding? Does anyone seriously think that Kim is going to be deprived? I think we should take a different tack. Send the little killer a gross of Zunes and a dozen or so of those 42" Phillips Plasmas TVs. Personally, I'd be willing to send him a complete OIC Variopoint 2110 copier.