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The name game or, why don't you go sit over there next to Jugdish

Given that children can be mean little bastards and monstrous, I am always amazed at the repression and romanticism gilded onto our memories of childhood. Yeah, kids can be sweet and occasionally not 100% egocentric, but put em' in a room with any kid with an odd name, and chances are that little Percival is gonna get some unmitigated hell.

I'm spurred to these observations by the name that morono-actor Nicholas Cage gave to his recent offspring: Kal-el. What the hell?? Naming your kid after Superman's Krypton name? Can there be a dorkier name (maybe, Apple??)? Why don't you just name the kid Chewbacca or JamesTKirk?

I work with data and I see a lot of odd names. I'm thinking that maybe some of our law and order legislative types might wanna consider some stiff penalties and jail time for some of what passes for nomenclature here in Tennesse.

You SHOULD know how your daughter is going to turn out if you name her 'HeavenLeigh'.
Your kid will probably come as close to being chaste as you did naming your kid, if you name her 'CHASSITY'. There are plenty of AA meetings in store and little doubt about the circumstance of your daughter's conception if you name her 'Courvousia'. Good luck with the gangbanging for little 'Tyrannius' when he reaches the age of say, four. Is there any doubt that boychild 'Vanilla' is gonna be a rapper? What school is in the future for 'Exavier'?

These are all ACTUAL names given to kids born in Tennessee over the past four years. What were these parents thinking? Is thinking perhaps an exaggeration when applied to the process that lead to these names?

The saddest (and simultaneously the name most prone to producing giggles) is the contracted name for a recent immigrant to our state. The kid's name in two parts is Shi' Thead. I don't blame the parents for this one, because it is a transliteration of a name that we probably couldn't come close to pronouncing with a gun to our head, but I'm guessing the kid is gonna be suing for a name change before he reaches second grade.

About me

  • I'm John H
  • From Salemtown, Tennessee, United States
  • Cruising past 50, my wife and I have reared three kids and several dogs. I work for state government and daily conspire to deflate bureacracy.
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